little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第223部分

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'I　am　sure　as　sane　as　any　one　here。　I　want　to　find　the　Marshalsea
prison。'

The　shrill　outer　circle　again　retorted；　'Then　that　'ud　show　you　was　mad
if　nothing　else　did；　'cause　it's　right　opposite！'

A　short；　mild；　quiet…looking　young　man　made　his　way　through　to　her；　as
a　whooping　ensued　on　this　reply；　and　said：　'Was　it　the　Marshalsea　you
wanted？　I'm　going　on　duty　there。　e　across　with　me。'

She　laid　her　hand　upon　his　arm；　and　he　took　her　over　the　way；　the　crowd；
rather　injured　by　the　near　prospect　of　losing　her；　pressing　before　and
behind　and　on　either　side；　and　remending　an　adjournment　to　Bedlam。
After　a　momentary　whirl　in　the　outer　court…yard；　the　prison…door　opened；
and　shut　upon　them。　In　the　Lodge；　which　seemed　by　contrast　with　the
outer　noise　a　place　of　refuge　and　peace；　a　yellow　lamp　was　already
striving　with　the　prison　shadows。

'Why；　John！'　said　the　turnkey　who　admitted　them。　'What　is　it？'

'Nothing；　father；　only　this　lady　not　knowing　her　way；　and　being　badgered
by　the　boys。　Who　did　you　want；　ma'am？'

'Miss　Dorrit。　Is　she　here？'

The　young　man　became　more　interested。　'Yes；　she　is　here。　What　might　your
name　be？'

'Mrs　Clennam。'

'Mr　Clennam's　mother？'　asked　the　young　man。

She　pressed　her　lips　together；　and　hesitated。　'Yes。　She　had　better　be
told　it　is　his　mother。'

'You　see；'　said　the　young　man；'the　Marshal's　family　living　in　the
country　at　present；　the　Marshal　has　given　Miss　Dorrit　one　of　the　rooms
in　his　house　to　use　when　she　likes。　Don't　you　think　you　had　better　e
up　there；　and　let　me　bring　Miss　Dorrit？'

She　signified　her　assent；　and　he　unlocked　a　door　and　conducted　her　up
a　side　staircase　into　a　dwelling…house　above。　He　showed　her　into　a
darkening　room；　and　left　her。　The　room　looked　down　into　the　darkening
prison…yard；　with　its　inmates　strolling　here　and　there；　leaning　out
of　windows　muning　as　much　apart　as　they　could　with　friends　who　were
going　away；　and　generally　wearing　out　their　imprisonment　as　they　best
might　that　summer　evening。　The　air　was　heavy　and　hot；　the　closeness
of　the　place；　oppressive；　and　from　without　there　arose　a　rush　of
free　sounds；　like　the　jarring　memory　of　such　things　in　a　headache　and
heartache。　She　stood　at　the　window；　bewildered；　looking　down　into　this
prison　as　it　were　out　of　her　own　different　prison；　when　a　soft　word　or
two　of　surprise　made　her　start；　and　Little　Dorrit　stood　before　her。

'Is　it　possible；　Mrs　Clennam；　that　you　are　so　happily　recovered　as……'

Little　Dorrit　stopped；　for　there　was　neither　happiness　nor　health　in　the
face　that　turned　to　her。　'This　is　not　recovery；　it　is　not　strength；　I
don't　know　what　it　is。'　With　an　agitated　wave　of　her　hand；　she　put　all
that　aside。　'You　have　a　packet　left　with　you　which　you　were　to　give　to
Arthur；　if　it　was　not　reclaimed　before　this　place　closed　to…night。'

'Yes。'

'I　reclaim　it。'

Little　Dorrit　took　it　from　her　bosom；　and　gave　it　into　her　hand；　which
remained　stretched　out　after　receiving　it。

'Have　you　any　idea　of　its　contents？'

Frightened　by　her　being　there　with　that　new　power　Of　Movement　in　her；
which；　as　she　said　herself；　was　not　strength；　and　which　was　unreal
to　look　upon；　as　though　a　picture　or　statue　had　been　animated；　Little
Dorrit　answered　'No。'

'Read　them。'

Little　Dorrit　took　the　packet　from　the　still　outstretched　hand；　and
broke　the　seal。　Mrs　Clennam　then　gave　her　the　inner　packet　that　was
addressed　to　herself；　and　held　the　other。　The　shadow　of　the　wall　and　of
the　prison　buildings；　which　made　the　room　sombre　at　noon；　made　it　too
dark　to　read　there；　with　the　dusk　deepening　apace；　save　in　the　window。
In　the　window；　where　a　little　of　the　bright　summer　evening　sky
could　shine　upon　her；　Little　Dorrit　stood；　and　read。　After　a　broken
exclamation　or　so　of　wonder　and　of　terror；　she　read　in　silence。　When
she　had　finished；　she　looked　round；　and　her　old　mistress　bowed　herself
before　her。

'You　know；　now；　what　I　have　done。'

'I　think　so。　I　am　afraid　so；　though　my　mind　is　so　hurried；　and　so　sorry；
and　has　so　much　to　pity　that　it　has　not　been　able　to　follow　all　I　have
read；'　said　Little　Dorrit　tremulously。

'I　will　restore　to　you　what　I　have　withheld　from　you。　Forgive　me。　Can
you　forgive　me？'

'I　can；　and　Heaven　knows　I　do！　Do　not　kiss　my　dress　and　kneel　to　me；　you
are　too　old　to　kneel　to　me；　I　forgive　you　freely　without　that。'

'I　have　more　yet　to　ask。'

'Not　in　that　posture；'　said　Little　Dorrit。　'It　is　unnatural　to　see　your
grey　hair　lower　than　mine。　Pray　rise；　let　me　help　you。'　With　that　she
raised　her　up；　and　stood　rather　shrinking　from　her；　but　looking　at　her
earnestly。

'The　great　petition　that　I　make　to　you　（there　is　another　which　grows
out　of　it）；　the　great　supplication　that　I　address　to　your　merciful　and
gentle　heart；　is；　that　you　will　not　disclose　this　to　Arthur　until　I　am
dead。　If　you　think；　when　you　have　had　time　for　consideration；　that　it
can　do　him　any　good　to　know　it　while　I　am　yet　alive；　then　tell　him。　But
you　will　not　think　that；　and　in　such　case；　will　you　promise　me　to　spare
me　until　I　am　dead？'

'I　am　so　sorry；　and　what　I　have　read　has　so　confused　my　thoughts；'
returned　Little　Dorrit；　'that　I　can　scarcely　give　you　a　steady　answer。
If　I　should　be　quite　sure　that　to　be　acquainted　with　it　will　do　Mr
Clennam　no　good……'

'I　know　you　are　attached　to　him；　and　will　make　him　the　first
consideration。　It　is　right　that　he　should　be　the　first　consideration。　I
ask　that。　But；　having　regarded　him；　and　still　finding　that　you　may　spare
me　for　the　little　time　I　shall　remain　on　earth；　will　you　do　it？'

'I　will。'

'GOD　bless　you！'

She　stood　in　the　shadow　so　that　she　was　only　a　veiled　form　to　Little
Dorrit　in　the　light；　but　the　sound　of　her　voice；　in　saying　those　three
grateful　words；　was　at　once　fervent　and　broken……broken　by　emotion　as
unfamiliar　to　her　frozen　eyes　as　action　to　her　frozen　limbs。

'You　will　wonder；　perhaps；'　she　said　in　a　stronger　tone；　'that　I　can
better　bear　to　be　known　to　you　whom　I　have　wronged；　than　to　the　son
of　my　enemy　who　wronged　me。……For　she　did　wrong　me！　She　not　only　sinned
grievously　against　the　Lord；　but　she　wronged　me。　What　Arthur's　father
was　to　me；　she　made　him。　From　our　marriage　day　I　was　his　dread；　and　that
she　made　me。　I　was　the　scourge　of　both；　and　that　is　referable　to　her。
You　love　Arthur　（I　can　see　the　blush　upon　your　face；　may　it　be　the　dawn
of　happier　days　to　both　of　you！）；　and　you　will　have　thought　already　that
he　is　as　merciful　and　kind　as　you；　and　why　do　I　not　trust　myself　to　him
as　soon　as　to　you。　Have　you　not　thought　so？'

'No　thought；'　said　Little　Dorrit；　'can　be　quite　a　stranger　to　my　heart；
that　springs　out　of　the　knowledge　that　Mr　Clennam　is　always　to　be　relied
upon　for　being　kind　and　generous　and　good。'

'I　do　not　doubt　it。　Yet　Arthur　is；　of　the　whole　world；　the　one　person
from　whom　I　would　conceal　this；　while　I　am　in　it。　I　kept　over　him　as
a　child；　in　the　days　of　his　first　remembrance；　my　restraining　and
correcting　hand。　I　was　stern　with　him；　knowing　that　the　transgressions
of　the　parents　are　visited　on　their　offspring；　and　that　there　was　an
angry　mark　upon　him　at　his　birth。　I　have　sat　with　him　and　his　father；
seeing　the　weakness　of　his　father　yearning　to　unbend　to　him；　and　forcing
it　back；　that　the　child　might　work　out　his　release　in　bondage　and
hardship。　I　have　seen　him；　with　his　mother's　face；　looking　up　at　me　in
awe　from　his　little　books；　and　trying　to　soften　me　with　his　mother's
ways　that　hardened　me。'

The　shrinking　of　her　auditress　stopped　her　for　a　moment　in　her　flow　of
words；　delivered　in　a　retrospective　gloomy　voice。

'For　his　good。　Not　for　the　satisfaction　of　my　injury。　What　was　I；　and
what　was　the　worth　of　that；　before　the　curse　of　Heaven！　I　have　seen　that
child　grow　up；　not　to　be　pious　in　a　chosen　way　（his　mother's　influence
lay　too　heavy　on　him　for　that）；　but　still　to　be　just　and　upright；　and
to　be　submissive　to　me。　He　never　loved　me；　as　I　once　half…hoped　he
might……so　frail　we　are；　and　so　do　the　corrupt　affections　of　the　flesh
war　with　our　trusts　and　tasks；　but　he　always　respected　me　and　ordered
himself　dutifully　to　me。　He　does　to　this　hour。　With　an　empty　place　in
his　heart　that　he　has　never　known　the　meaning　of；　he