little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第205部分

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handsome　afterwards；　very　handsome。'

They　were　both　silent　for　several　minutes：　except　that　Young　John
remarked；　at　about　the　middle　of　the　pause；　'He　both　spoke　and　acted
very　handsome。'

It　was　again　Young　John　who　broke　the　silence　by　inquiring：

'If　it's　not　a　liberty；　how　long　may　it　be　your　intentions；　sir；　to　go
without　eating　and　drinking？'

'I　have　not　felt　the　want　of　anything　yet；'　returned　Clennam。　'I　have　no
appetite　just　now。'

'The　more　reason　why　you　should　take　some　support；　sir；'　urged　Young
John。　'If　you　find　yourself　going　on　sitting　here　for　hours　and　hours
partaking　of　no　refreshment　because　you　have　no　appetite；　why　then　you
should　and　must　partake　of　refreshment　without　an　appetite。　I'm　going　to
have　tea　in　my　own　apartment。　If　it's　not　a　liberty；　please　to　e　and
take　a　cup。　Or　I　can　bring　a　tray　here　in　two　minutes。'

Feeling　that　Young　John　would　impose　that　trouble　on　himself　if　he
refused；　and　also　feeling　anxious　to　show　that　he　bore　in　mind　both
the　elder　Mr　Chivery's　entreaty；　and　the　younger　Mr　Chivery's　apology；
Arthur　rose　and　expressed　his　willingness　to　take　a　cup　of　tea　in　Mr
john's　apartment。　Young　John　locked　his　door　for　him　as　they　went　out；
slided　the　key　into　his　pocket　with　great　dexterity；　and　led　the　way　to
his　own　residence。

It　was　at　the　top　of　the　house　nearest　to　the　gateway。　It　was　the　room
to　which　Clennam　had　hurried　on　the　day　when　the　enriched　family　had
left　the　prison　for　ever；　and　where　he　had　lifted　her　insensible　from
the　floor。　He　foresaw　where　they　were　going　as　soon　as　their　feet
touched　the　staircase。　The　room　was　so　far　changed　that　it　was　papered
now；　and　had　been　repainted；　and　was　far　more　fortably　furnished；　but
he　could　recall　it　just　as　he　had　seen　it　in　that　single　glance；　when　he
raised　her　from　the　ground　and　carried　her　down　to　the　carriage。

Young　John　looked　hard　at　him；　biting　his　fingers。

'I　see　you　recollect　the　room；　Mr　Clennam？'　'I　recollect　it　well；　Heaven
bless　her！'

Oblivious　of　the　tea；　Young　John　continued　to　bite　his　fingers　and　to
look　at　his　visitor；　as　long　as　his　visitor　continued　to　glance　about
the　room。　Finally；　he　made　a　start　at　the　teapot；　gustily　rattled　a
quantity　of　tea　into　it　from　a　canister；　and　set　off　for　the　mon
kitchen　to　fill　it　with　hot　water。

The　room　　in　the　changed　circumstances　of　his
return　to　the　miserable　Marshalsea；　it　spoke　to　him　so　mournfully　of
her；　and　of　his　loss　of　her；　that　it　would　have　gone　hard　with　him　to
resist　it；　even　though　he　had　not　been　alone。　Alone；　he　did　not　try。
He　had　his　hand　on　the　insensible　wall　as　tenderly　as　if　it　had　been
herself　that　he　touched；　and　pronounced　her　name　in　a　low　voice。　He
stood　at　the　window；　looking　over　the　prison…parapet　with　its　grim
spiked　border；　and　breathed　a　benediction　through　the　summer　haze
towards　the　distant　land　where　she　was　rich　and　prosperous。

Young　John　was　some　time　absent；　and；　when　he　came　back；　showed　that　he
had　been　outside　by　bringing　with　him　fresh　butter　in　a　cabbage　leaf；
some　thin　slices　of　boiled　ham　in　another　cabbage　leaf；　and　a　little
basket　of　water…cresses　and　salad　herbs。　When　these　were　arranged　upon
the　table　to　his　satisfaction；　they　sat　down　to　tea。

Clennam　tried　to　do　honour　to　the　meal；　but　unavailingly。　The　ham
sickened　him；　the　bread　seemed　to　turn　to　sand　in　his　mouth。　He　could
force　nothing　upon　himself　but　a　cup　of　tea。

'Try　a　little　something　green；'　said　Young　John；　handing　him　the　basket。

He　took　a　sprig　or　so　of　water…cress；　and　tried　again；　but　the　bread
turned　to　a　heavier　sand　than　before；　and　the　ham　（though　it　was　good
enough　of　itself）　seemed　to　blow　a　faint　simoom　of　ham　through　the　whole
Marshalsea。

'Try　a　little　more　something　green；　sir；'　said　Young　John；　and　again
handed　the　basket。

It　was　so　like　handing　green　meat　into　the　cage　of　a　dull　imprisoned
bird；　and　John　had　so　evidently　brought　the　little　basket　as　a　handful
of　fresh　relief　from　the　stale　hot　paving…stones　and　bricks　of　the　jail；
that　Clennam　said；　with　a　smile；　'It　was　very　kind　of　you　to　think　of
putting　this　between　the　wires；　but　I　cannot　even　get　this　down　to…day。'

As　if　the　difficulty　were　contagious；　Young　John　soon　pushed　away　his
own　plate；　and　fell　to　folding　the　cabbage…leaf　that　had　contained　the
ham。　When　he　had　folded　it　into　a　number　of　layers；　one　over　another；
so　that　it　was　small　in　the　palm　of　his　hand；　he　began　to　flatten　it
between　both　his　hands；　and　to　eye　Clennam　attentively。　'I　wonder；'　he
at　length　said；　pressing　his　green　packet　with　some　force；　'that　if
it's　not　worth　your　while　to　take　care　of　yourself　for　your　own　sake；
it's　not　worth　doing　for　some　one　else's。'

'Truly；'　returned　Arthur；　with　a　sigh　and　a　smile；　'I　don't　know　for
whose。'

'Mr　Clennam；'　said　John；　warmly；　'I　am　surprised　that　a　gentleman　who
is　capable　of　the　straightforwardness　that　you　are　capable　of；　should　be
capable　of　the　mean　action　of　making　me　such　an　answer。　Mr　Clennam；　I　am
surprised　that　a　gentleman　who　is　capable　of　having　a　heart　of　his　own；
should　be　capable　of　the　heartlessness　of　treating　mine　in　that　way。　I
am　astonished　at　it；　sir。　Really　and　truly　I　am　astonished！'

Having　got　upon　his　feet　to　emphasise　his　concluding　words；　Young　John
sat　down　again；　and　fell　to　rolling　his　green　packet　on　his　right　leg；
never　taking　his　eyes　off　Clennam；　but　surveying　him　with　a　fixed　look
of　indignant　reproach。

'I　had　got　over　it；　sir；'　said　John。　'I　had　conquered　it；　knowing　that
it　must　be　conquered；　and　had　e　to　the　resolution　to　think　no　more
about　it。　I　shouldn't　have　given　my　mind　to　it　again；　I　hope；　if　to　this
prison　you　had　not　been　brought；　and　in　an　hour　unfortunate　for　me；
this　day！'　（In　his　agitation　Young　John　adopted　his　mother's　powerful
construction　of　sentences。）　'When　you　first　came　upon　me；　sir；　in　the
Lodge；　this　day；　more　as　if　a　Upas　tree　had　been　made　a　capture　of　than
a　private　defendant；　such　mingled　streams　of　feelings　broke　loose　again
within　me；　that　everything　was　for　the　first　few　minutes　swept　away
before　them；　and　I　was　going　round　and　round　in　a　vortex。　I　got　out　of
it。　I　struggled；　and　got　out　of　it。　If　it　was　the　last　word　I　had　to
speak；　against　that　vortex　with　my　utmost　powers　I　strove；　and　out　of　it
I　came。　I　argued　that　if　I　had　been　rude；　apologies　was　due；　and　those
apologies　eaning；　I　did　make。　And　now；　when
I've　been　so　wishful　to　show　that　one　thought　is　next　to　being　a　holy
one　with　me　and　goes　before　all　others……now；　after　all；　you　dodge　me
when　I　ever　so　gently　hint　at　it；　and　throw　me　back　upon　myself。　For；　do
not；　sir；'　said　Young　John；　'do　not　be　so　base　as　to　deny　that　dodge　you
do；　and　thrown　me　back　upon　myself　you　have！'

All　amazement；　Arthur　gazed　at　him　like　one　lost；　only　saying；　'What　is
it？　What　do　you　mean；　John？'　But；　John；　being　in　that　state　of　mind　in
which　nothing　would　seem　to　be　more　impossible　to　a　certain　class　of
people　than　the　giving　of　an　answer；　went　ahead　blindly。

'I　hadn't；'　John　declared；　'no；　I　hadn't；　and　I　never　had　the
audaciousness　to　think；　I　am　sure；　that　all　was　anything　but　lost。　I
hadn't；　no；　why　should　I　say　I　hadn't　if　I　ever　had；　any　hope　that　it
was　possible　to　be　so　blest；　not　after　the　words　that　passed；　not　even
if　barriers　insurmountable　had　not　been　raised！　But　is　that　a　reason　why
I　am　to　have　no　memory；　why　I　am　to　have　no　thoughts；　why　I　am　to　have
no　sacred　spots；　nor　anything？'

'What　can　you　mean？'　cried　Arthur。

'It's　all　very　well　to　trample　on　it；　sir；'　John　went　on；　scouring　a
very　prairie　of　wild　words；　'if　a　person　can　make　up　his　mind　to　be
guilty　of　the　action。　It's　all　very　well　to　trample　on　it；　but　it's
there。　It　may　be　that　it　couldn't　be　trampled　upon　if　it　wasn't　there。
But　that　doesn't　make　it　gentlemanly；　that　doesn't　make　it　honourable；
that　doesn't　justify　throwing　a　person　back　upon　himself　after　he　has
struggled　and　strived　out　of　himself　like　a　butterfly。　The　world　may
sneer　at　a　turnkey；　but　he's　a　man……when　he　isn't　a　woman；　which　among
female　criminals　he's　expected　to　be。'

Ridiculous　as　the　incoherence　of　his　talk　was；　there　was　yet　a
truthfulness　in　Y