new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第38部分

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afraid　to　leave　me　alone；　in　
case　I　got　〃mopey〃　again。　
〃Seriously；　Dad。　I　think　I'll　call　Jessica；〃　I　fibbed　quickly。　I'd　rather　be　
alone　than　have　him　watching　me　
all　day。　〃We　have　a　Calculus　test　to　study　for。　I　could　use　her　help。〃　That　
part　was　true。　But　I'd　have　to　
make　do　without　it。　
〃That's　a　good　idea。　You've　been　spending　so　much　time　with　Jacob；　your　other　
friends　are　going　to　think　
you've　forgotten　them。〃　
I　smiled　and　nodded　as　if　I　cared　what　my　other　friends　thought。　
Charlie　started　to　turn；　but　then　spun　back　with　a　worried　expression。　〃Hey；　
you'll　study　here　or　at　Jess's；　
right？〃　
〃Sure；　where　else？〃　
〃Well；　it's　just　that　I　want　you　to　be　careful　to　stay　out　of　the　woods；　like　
I　told　you　before。〃　
It　took　me　a　minute　to　understand；　distracted　as　I　was。　〃More　bear　trouble？〃　
Charlie　nodded；　frowning。　〃We've　got　a　missing　hiker—the　rangers　found　his　
camp　early　this　morning；　
but　no　sign　of　him。　There　were　some　really　big　animal　prints　of　course　those　
could　have　e　later；　
smelling　the　food　Anyway；　they're　setting　traps　for　it　now。〃　
〃Oh；〃　I　said　vaguely。　I　wasn't　really　listening　to　his　warnings；　I　was　much　
more　upset　by　the　situation　with　
Jacob　than　by　the　possibility　of　being　eaten　by　a　bear。　
I　was　glad　that　Charlie　was　in　a　hurry。　He　didn't　wait　for　me　to　call　Jessica；　
so　I　didn't　have　to　put　on　that　
charade。　I　went　through　the　motions　of　gathering　my　school…books　on　the　
kitchen　table　to　pack　them　in　
my　bag；　that　was　probably　too　much；　and　if　he　hadn't　been　eager　to　hit　the　
holes；　it　might　have　made　him　
suspicious。　
I　was　so　busy　looking　busy　that　the　ferociously　empty　day　ahead　didn't　really　
crash　down　on　me　until　
after　I'd　watched　him　drive　away。　It　only　took　about　two　minutes　of　staring　at　
the　silent　kitchen　phone　to　
decide　that　I　wasn't　staying　home　today。　I　considered　my　options。　
I　wasn't　going　to　call　Jessica。　As　far　as　I　could　tell；　Jessica　had　crossed　
over　to　the　dark　side。　
I　could　drive　to　La　Push　and　get　my　motorcycle—an　appealing　thought　but　for　
one　minor　problem：　who　
was　going　to　drive　me　to　the　emergency　room　if　I　needed　it　afterward？　
Or　I　already　had　our　map　and　pass　in　the　truck。　I　was　pretty　sure　I　
understood　the　process　well　
enough　by　now　that　I　wouldn't　get　lost。　Maybe　I　could　eliminate　two　lines　
today；　putting　us　ahead　of　
schedule　for　whenever　Jacob　decided　to　honor　me　with　his　presence　again。　I　
refused　to　think　about　how　
long　that　might　be。　Or　if　it　was　going　to　be　never。　
I　felt　a　brief　twinge　of　guilt　as　I　realized　how　Charlie　would　feel　about　
this；　but　I　ignored　it。　I　just　couldn't　
stay　in　the　house　again　today。　
A　few　minutes　later　I　was　on　the　familiar　dirt　road　that　led　to　nowhere　in　
particular。　I　had　the　windows　
rolled　down　and　I　drove　as　fast　as　was　healthy　for　my　truck；　trying　to　enjoy　
the　wind　against　my　face。　It　
was　cloudy；　but　almost　dry—a　very　nice　day；　for　Forks。　
Getting　started　took　me　longer　than　it　would　have　taken　Jacob。　After　I　parked　
in　the　usual　spot；　I　had　to　
spend　a　good　fifteen　minutes　studying　the　little　needle　on　the　pass　face　
and　the　markings　on　the　now　
worn　map。　When　I　was　reasonably　certain　that　I　was　following　the　right　line　of　
the　web；　I　set　off　into　the　
woods。　
The　forest　was　full　of　life　today；　all　the　little　creatures　enjoying　the　
momentary　dryness。　Somehow；　
though；　even　with　the　birds　chirping　and　cawing；　the　insects　buzzing　noisily　
around　my　head；　and　the　
occasional　scurry　of　the　field　mice　through　the　shrubs；　the　forest　seemed　
creepier　today；　it　reminded　me　
of　my　most　recent　nightmare。　I　knew　it　was　just　because　I　was　alone；　missing　
Jacob's　carefree　whistle　
and　the　sound　of　another　pair　of　feet　squishing　across　the　damp　ground。　
The　sense　of　unease　grew　stronger　the　deeper　I　got　into　the　trees。　Breathing　
started　to　get　more　
difficult—not　because　of　exertion；　but　because　I　was　having　trouble　with　the　
stupid　hole　in　my　chest　
again。　I　kept　my　arms　tight　around　my　torso　and　tried　to　banish　the　ache　from　
my　thoughts。　I　almost　
turned　around；　but　I　hated　to　waste　the　effort　I'd　already　expended。　
The　rhythm　of　my　footsteps　started　to　numb　my　mind　and　my　pain　as　I　trudged　
on。　My　breathing　evened　
out　eventually；　and　I　was　glad　I　hadn't　quit。　I　was　getting　better　at　this　
bushwhacking　thing；　I　could　tell　I　
was　faster。　
I　didn't　realize　quite　how　much　more　efficiently　I　was　moving。　I　thought　I'd　
covered　maybe　four　miles；　
and　I　wasn't　even　starting　to　look　around　for　it　yet。　And　then；　with　an　
abruptness　that　disoriented　me；　I　
stepped　through　a　low　arch　made　by　two　vine　maples—pushing　past　the　chest…
high　ferns—into　the　
meadow。　
It　was　the　same　place；　of　that　I　was　instantly　sure。　I'd　never　seen　another　
clearing　so　symmetrical。　It　was　
as　perfectly　round　as　if　someone　had　intentionally　created　the　flawless　
circle；　tearing　out　the　trees　but　
leaving　no　evidence　of　that　violence　in　the　waving　grass。　To　the　east；　I　could　
hear　the　stream　bubbling　
quietly。　
The　place　wasn't　nearly　so　stunning　without　the　sunlight；　but　it　was　still　
very　beautiful　and　serene。　It　was　
the　wrong　season　for　wildflowers；　the　ground　was　thick　with　tall　grass　that　
swayed　in　the　light　breeze　like　
ripples　across　a　lake。　
It　was　the　same　place　but　it　didn't　hold　what　I　had　been　searching　for。　
The　disappointment　was　nearly　as　instantaneous　as　the　recognition。　I　sank　down　
right　where　I　was；　
kneeling　there　at　the　edge　of　the　clearing；　beginning　to　gasp。　
What　was　the　point　of　going　any　farther？　Nothing　lingered　here。　Nothing　more　
than　the　memories　that　I　
could　have　called　back　whenever　I　wanted　to；　if　I　was　ever　willing　to　endure　
the　corresponding　
pain—the　pain　that　had　me　now；　had　me　cold。　There　was　nothing　special　about　
this　place　without　him。　I　
wasn't　exactly　sure　what　I'd　hoped　to　feel　here；　but　the　meadow　was　empty　of　
atmosphere；　empty　of　
everything；　just　like　everywhere　else。　Just　like　my　nightmares。　My　head　
swirled　dizzily。　
At　least　I'd　e　alone。　I　felt　a　rush　of　thankfulness　as　I　realized　that。　If　
I'd　discovered　the　meadow　with　
Jacob　well；　there　was　no　way　I　could　have　disguised　the　abyss　I　was　plunging　
into　now。　How　could　I　
have　explained　the　way　I　was　fracturing　into　pieces；　the　way　I　had　to　curl　
into　a　ball　to　keep　the　empty　
hole　from　tearing　me　apart？　It　was　so　much　better　that　I　didn't　have　an　
audience。　
And　I　wouldn't　have　to　explain　to　anyone　why　I　was　in　such　a　hurry　to　leave；　
either。　Jacob　would　have　
assumed；　after　going　to　so　much　trouble　to　locate　the　stupid　place；　I　would　
want　to　spend　more　than　a　
few　seconds　here。　But　I　was　already　trying　to　find　the　strength　to　get　to　my　
feet　again；　forcing　myself　out　
of　the　ball　so　that　I　could　escape。　There　was　too　much　pain　in　this　empty　
place　to　bear—I　would　crawl　
away　if　I　had　to。　
How　lucky　that　I　was　alone！　
Alone。　I　repeated　the　word　with　grim　satisfaction　as　I　wrenched　myself　to　my　
feet　despite　the　pain。　At　
precisely　that　moment；　a　figure　stepped　out　from　the　trees　to　the　north；　some　
thirty　paces　away。　
A　dizzying　array　of　emotions　shot　through　me　in　a　second。　The　first　was　
surprise；　I　was　far　from　any　trail　
here；　and　I　didn't　expect　pany。　Then；　as　my　eyes　focused　on　the　motionless　
figure；　seeing　the　utter　
stillness；　the　pallid　skin；　a　rush　of　piercing　hope　rocked　through　me。　I　
suppressed　it　viciously；　fighting　
against　the　equally　sharp　lash　of　agony　as　my　eyes　continued　to　the　face　
beneath　the　black　hair；　the　face　
that　wasn't　the　one　I　wanted　to　see。　Next　was　fear；　this　was　not　the　face　I　
grieved　for；　but　it　was　close　
enough　for　me　to　know　that　the　man　facing　me　was　no　stray　hiker。　
And　finally；　in　the　end；　recognition。　
〃Laurent！〃　I　cried　in　surprised　pleasure。　
It　was　an　irrational　response。　I　probably　should　have　stopped　at　fear。　
Laurent　had　been　one　of　James's　coven　when　we'd　first　met。　He　hadn't　been　
involved　with　the　hunt　that　
followed—the　hunt　where　I　was　the　quarry—but　that　was　only　because　he　was　
afraid；　I　was　protected　
by　a　bigger　coven　than　his　own。　It　would　have　been　different　if　that　wasn't　
the　case—he'd　had　no　
punctions；　at　the　time；　ag