暮色-第74部分
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mother's panic。 Seconds ticked by while I fought for control。
Slowly； slowly； my thoughts started to break past that brick wall of
pain。 To plan。 For I had no choices now but one： to go to the mirrored
room and die。 I had no guarantees； nothing to give to keep my mother
alive。 I could only hope that James would be satisfied with winning the
game； that beating Edward would be enough。 Despair gripped me； there was
no way to bargain； nothing I could offer or withhold that could influence
him。 But I still had no choice。 I had to try。
I pushed the terror back as well as I could。 My decision was made。 It did
no good to waste time agonizing over the oute。 I had to think clearly；
because Alice and Jasper were waiting for me； and evading them was
absolutely essential； and absolutely impossible。
I was suddenly grateful that Jasper was gone。 If he had been here to feel
my anguish in the last five minutes； how could I have kept them from
being suspicious？ I choked back the dread； the anxiety； tried to stifle
it。 I couldn't afford it now。 I didn't know when he would return。
I concentrated on my escape。 I had to hope that my familiarity with the
airport would turn the odds in my favor。 Somehow； I had to keep Alice
away…
I knew Alice was in the other room waiting for me； curious。 But I had to
deal with one more thing in private； before Jasper was back。
I had to accept that I wouldn't see Edward again； not even one last
glimpse of his face to carry with me to the mirror room。 I was going to
hurt him； and I couldn't say goodbye。 I let the waves of torture wash
over me； have their way for a time。 Then I pushed them back； too； and
went to face Alice。
The only expression I could manage was a dull； dead look。 I saw her alarm
and I didn't wait for her to ask。 I had just one script and I'd never
manage improvisation now。
〃My mom was worried； she wanted to e home。 But it's okay； I convinced
her to stay away。〃 My voice was lifeless。
〃We'll make sure she's fine； Bella； don't worry。〃
I turned away； I couldn't let her see my face。
My eye fell on a blank page of the hotel stationery on the desk。 I went
to it slowly； a plan forming。 There was an envelope there； too。 That was
good。
〃Alice；〃 I asked slowly； without turning； keeping my voice level。 〃If I
write a letter for my mother； would you give it to her？ Leave it at the
house； I mean。〃
〃Sure； Bella。〃 Her voice was careful。 She could see me ing apart at
the seams。 I had to keep my emotions under better control。
I went into the bedroom again； and knelt next to the little bedside table
to write。
〃Edward；〃 I wrote。 My hand was shaking； the letters were hardly legible。
I love you。 I am so sorry。 He has my mom； and I have to try。 I know it
may not work。 I am so very； very sorry。
Don't be angry with Alice and Jasper。 If I get away from them it will be
a miracle。 Tell them thank you for me。 Alice especially； please。
And please； please； don't e after him。 That's what he wants。 I think。
I can't bear it if anyone has to be hurt because of me； especially you。
Please； this is the only thing I can ask you now。 For me。
I love you。 Forgive me。
Bella
I folded the letter carefully； and sealed it in the envelope。 Eventually
he would find it。 I only hoped he would understand； and listen to me just
this once。
And then I carefully sealed away my heart。
===========================================================================
22。 HIDEANDSEEK
It had taken much less time than I'd thought — all the terror； the
despair； the shattering of my heart。 The minutes were ticking by more
slowly than usual。 Jasper still hadn't e back when I returned to
Alice。 I was afraid to be in the same room with her； afraid that she
would guess… and afraid to hide from her for the same reason。
I would have thought I was far beyond the ability to be surprised； my
thoughts tortured and unstable； but I was surprised when I saw Alice bent
over the desk； gripping the edge with two hands。
〃Alice？〃
She didn't react when I called her name； but her head was slowly rocking
side to side； and I saw her face。 Her eyes were blank； dazed… My thoughts
flew to my mother。 Was I already too late？
I hurried to her side； reaching out automatically to touch her hand。
〃Alice！〃 Jasper's voice whipped； and then he was right behind her； his
hands curling over hers； loosening them from their grip on the table。
Across the room； the door swung shut with a low click。
〃What is it？〃 he demanded。
She turned her face away from me； into his chest。 〃Bella；〃 she said。
〃I'm right here；〃 I replied。
Her head twisted around； her eyes locking on mine； their expression still
strangely blank。 I realized at once that she hadn't been speaking to me；
she'd been answering Jasper's question。
〃What did you see？〃 I said — and there was no question in my flat；
uncaring voice。
Jasper looked at me sharply。 I kept my expression vacant and waited。 His
eyes were confused as they flickered swiftly between Alice's face and
mine； feeling the chaos… for I could guess what Alice had seen now。
I felt a tranquil atmosphere settle around me。 I weled it； using it to
keep my emotions disciplined； under control。
Alice； too； recovered herself。
〃Nothing； really；〃 she answered finally； her voice remarkably calm and
convincing。 〃Just the same room as before。〃
She finally looked at me； her expression smooth and withdrawn。 〃Did you
want breakfast？〃
〃No； I'll eat at the airport。〃 I was very calm； too。 I went to the
bathroom to shower。 Almost as if I were borrowing Jasper's strange extra
sense； I could feel Alice's wild — though wellconcealed — desperation to
have me out of the room； to be alone with Jasper。 So she could tell him
that they were doing something wrong； that they were going to fail…
I got ready methodically； concentrating on each little task。 I left my
hair down； swirling around me； covering my face。 The peaceful mood Jasper
created worked its way through me and helped me think clearly。 Helped me
plan。 I dug through my bag until I found my sock full of money。 I emptied
it into my pocket。
I was anxious to get to the airport； and glad when we left by seven。 I
sat alone this time in the back of the dark car。 Alice leaned against the
door； her face toward Jasper but； behind her sunglasses； shooting glances
in my direction every few seconds。
〃Alice？〃 I asked indifferently。
She was wary。 〃Yes？〃
〃How does it work？ The things that you see？〃 I stared out the side
window； and my voice sounded bored。 〃Edward said it wasn't definite… that
things change？〃 It was harder than I would have thought to say his name。
That must have been what alerted Jasper； why a fresh wave of serenity
filled the car。
〃Yes； things change…〃 she murmured — hopefully； I thought。 〃Some things
are more certain than others… like the weather。 People are harder。 I only
see the course they're on while they're on it。 Once they change their
minds — make a new decision； no matter how small — the whole future
shifts。〃
I nodded thoughtfully。 〃So you couldn't see James in Phoenix until he
decided to e here。〃
〃Yes；〃 she agreed； wary again。
And she hadn't seen me in the mirror room with James until I'd made the
decision to meet him there。 I tried not to think about what else she
might have seen。 I didn't want my panic to make Jasper more suspicious。
They would be watching me twice as carefully now； anyway； after Alice's
vision。 This was going to be impossible。
We got to the airport。 Luck was with me； or maybe it was just good odds。
Edward's plane was landing in terminal four； the largest terminal； where
most flights landed — so it wasn't surprising that his was。 But it was
the terminal I needed： the biggest； the most confusing。 And there was a
door on level three that might be the only chance。
We parked on the fourth floor of the huge garage。 I led the way； for once
more knowledgeable about my surroundings than they were。 We took the
elevator down to level three； where
