暮色-第46部分

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curiosity　in　his　soft　voice。　

〃No　more　than　usual。〃　

He　smiled　wider；　his　teeth　flashed　in　the　sun。　

I　inched　closer；　stretched　out　my　whole　hand　now　to　trace　the　contours　of　
his　forearm　with　my　fingertips。　I　saw　that　my　fingers　trembled；　and　knew　
it　wouldn't　escape　his　notice。　

〃Do　you　mind？〃　I　asked；　for　he　had　closed　his　eyes　again。　

〃No；〃　he　said　without　opening　his　eyes。　〃You　can't　imagine　how　that　
feels。〃　He　sighed。　

I　lightly　trailed　my　hand　over　the　perfect　muscles　of　his　arm；　followed　
the　faint　pattern　of　bluish　veins　inside　the　crease　at　his　elbow。　With　my　
other　hand；　I　reached　to　turn　his　hand　over。　Realizing　what　I　wished；　he　
flipped　his　palm　up　in　one　of　those　blindingly　fast；　disconcerting　
movements　of　his。　It　startled　me；　my　fingers　froze　on　his　arm　for　a　brief　
second。　

〃Sorry；〃　he　murmured。　I　looked　up　in　time　to　see　his　golden　eyes　close　
again。　〃It's　too　easy　to　be　myself　with　you。〃　

I　lifted　his　hand；　turning　it　this　way　and　that　as　I　watched　the　sun　
glitter　on　his　palm。　I　held　it　closer　to　my　face；　trying　to　see　the　
hidden　facets　in　his　skin。　

〃Tell　me　what　you're　thinking；〃　he　whispered。　I　looked　to　see　his　eyes　
watching　me；　suddenly　intent。　〃It's　still　so　strange　for　me；　not　knowing。〃　

〃You　know；　the　rest　of　us　feel　that　way　all　the　time。〃　

〃It's　a　hard　life。〃　Did　I　imagine　the　hint　of　regret　in　his　tone？　〃But　
you　didn't　tell　me。〃　

〃I　was　wishing　I　could　know　what　you　were　thinking…〃　I　hesitated。　

〃And？〃　

〃I　was　wishing　that　I　could　believe　that　you　were　real。　And　I　was　wishing　
that　I　wasn't　afraid。〃　

〃I　don't　want　you　to　be　afraid。〃　His　voice　was　just　a　soft　murmur。　I　
heard　what　he　couldn't　truthfully　say；　that　I　didn't　need　to　be　afraid；　
that　there　was　nothing　to　fear。　

〃Well；　that's　not　exactly　the　fear　I　meant；　though　that's　certainly　
something　to　think　about。〃　

So　quickly　that　I　missed　his　movement；　he　was　half　sitting；　propped　up　on　
his　right　arm；　his　left　palm　still　in　my　hands。　His　angel's　face　was　only　
a　few　inches　from　mine。　I　might　have　—　should　have　—　flinched　away　from　
his　unexpected　closeness；　but　I　was　unable　to　move。　His　golden　eyes　
mesmerized　me。　

〃What　are　you　afraid　of；　then？〃　he　whispered　intently。　

But　I　couldn't　answer。　As　I　had　just　that　once　before；　I　smelled　his　cool　
breath　in　my　face。　Sweet；　delicious；　the　scent　made　my　mouth　water。　It　
was　unlike　anything　else。　Instinctively；　unthinkingly；　I　leaned　closer；　

inhaling。　

And　he　was　gone；　his　hand　ripped　from　mine。　In　the　time　it　took　my　eyes　
to　focus；　he　was　twenty　feet　away；　standing　at　the　edge　of　the　small　
meadow；　in　the　deep　shade　of　a　huge　fir　tree。　He　stared　at　me；　his　eyes　
dark　in　the　shadows；　his　expression　unreadable。　

I　could　feel　the　hurt　and　shock　on　my　face。　My　empty　hands　stung。　

〃I'm…　sorry…　Edward；〃　I　whispered。　I　knew　he　could　hear。　

〃Give　me　a　moment；〃　he　called；　just　loud　enough　for　my　less　sensitive　
ears。　I　sat　very　still。　

After　ten　incredibly　long　seconds；　he　walked　back；　slowly　for　him。　He　
stopped；　still　several　feet　away；　and　sank　gracefully　to　the　ground；　
crossing　his　legs。　His　eyes　never　left　mine。　He　took　two　deep　breaths；　
and　then　smiled　in　apology。　

〃I　am　so　very　sorry。〃　He　hesitated。　〃Would　you　understand　what　I　meant　if　
I　said　I　was　only　human？〃　

I　nodded　once；　not　quite　able　to　smile　at　his　joke。　Adrenaline　pulsed　
through　my　veins　as　the　realization　of　danger　slowly　sank　in。　He　could　
smell　that　from　where　he　sat。　His　smile　turned　mocking。　

〃I'm　the　world's　best　predator；　aren't　I？　Everything　about　me　invites　you　
in　—　my　voice；　my　face；　even　my　smell。　As　if　I　need　any　of　that！〃　
Unexpectedly；　he　was　on　his　feet；　bounding　away；　instantly　out　of　sight；　
only　to　appear　beneath　the　same　tree　as　before；　having　circled　the　meadow　
in　half　a　second。　

〃As　if　you　could　outrun　me；〃　he　laughed　bitterly。　

He　reached　up　with　one　hand　and；　with　a　deafening　crack；　effortlessly　
ripped　a　twofootthick　branch　from　the　trunk　of　the　spruce。　He　balanced　
it　in　that　hand　for　a　moment；　and　then　threw　it　with　blinding　speed；　
shattering　it　against　another　huge　tree；　which　shook　and　trembled　at　the　
blow。　

And　he　was　in　front　of　me　again；　standing　two　feet　away；　still　as　a　stone。　

〃As　if　you　could　fight　me　off；〃　he　said　gently。　

I　sat　without　moving；　more　frightened　of　him　than　I　had　ever　been。　I'd　
never　seen　him　so　pletely　freed　of　that　carefully　cultivated　facade。　
He'd　never　been　less　human…　or　more　beautiful。　Face　ashen；　eyes　wide；　I　
sat　like　a　bird　locked　in　the　eyes　of　a　snake。　

His　lovely　eyes　seem　to　glow　with　rash　excitement。　Then；　as　the　seconds　
passed；　they　dimmed。　His　expression　slowly　folded　into　a　mask　of　ancient　
sadness。　

〃Don't　be　afraid；〃　he　murmured；　his　velvet　voice　unintentionally　
seductive。　〃I　promise…〃　He　hesitated。　〃I　swear　not　to　hurt　you。〃　He　
seemed　more　concerned　with　convincing　himself　than　me。　

〃Don't　be　afraid；〃　he　whispered　again　as　he　stepped　closer；　with　
exaggerated　slowness。　He　sat　sinuously；　with　deliberately　unhurried　
movements；　till　our　faces　were　on　the　same　level；　just　a　foot　apart。　

〃Please　forgive　me；〃　he　said　formally。　〃I　can　control　myself。　You　caught　
me　off　guard。　But　I'm　on　my　best　behavior　now。〃　

He　waited；　but　I　still　couldn't　speak。　

〃I'm　not　thirsty　today；　honestly。〃　He　winked。　

At　that　I　had　to　laugh；　though　the　sound　was　shaky　and　breathless。　

〃Are　you　all　right？〃　he　asked　tenderly；　reaching　out　slowly；　carefully；　
to　place　his　marble　hand　back　in　mine。　

I　looked　at　his　smooth；　cold　hand；　and　then　at　his　eyes。　They　were　soft；　
repentant。　I　looked　back　at　his　hand；　and　then　deliberately　returned　to　
tracing　the　lines　in　his　hand　with　my　fingertip。　I　looked　up　and　smiled　
timidly。　

His　answering　smile　was　dazzling。　

〃So　where　were　we；　before　I　behaved　so　rudely？〃　he　asked　in　the　gentle　
cadences　of　an　earlier　century。　

〃I　honestly　can't　remember。〃　

He　smiled；　but　his　face　was　ashamed。　〃I　think　we　were　talking　about　why　
you　were　afraid；　besides　the　obvious　reason。〃　

〃Oh；　right。〃　

〃Well？〃　

I　looked　down　at　his　hand　and　doodled　aimlessly　across　his　smooth；　
iridescent　palm。　The　seconds　ticked　by。　

〃How　easily　frustrated　I　am；〃　he　sighed。　I　looked　into　his　eyes；　abruptly　
grasping　that　this　was　every　bit　as　new　to　him　as　it　was　to　me。　As　many　
years　of　unfathomable　experience　as　he　had；　this　was　hard　for　him；　too。　I　
took　courage　from　that　thought。　

〃I　was　afraid…　because；　for；　well；　obvious　reasons；　I　can't　stay　with　
you。　And　I'm　afraid　that　I'd　like　to　stay　with　you；　much　more　than　I　
should。〃　I　looked　down　at　his　hands　as　I　spoke。　It　was　difficult　for　me　
to　say　this　aloud。　

〃Yes；〃　he　agreed　slowly。　〃That　is　something　to　be　afraid　of；　indeed。　
Wanting　to　be　with　me。　That's　really　not　in　your　best　interest。〃　

I　frowned。　

〃I　should　have　left　long　ago；〃　he　sighed。　〃I　should　leave　now。　But　I　
don't　know　if　I　can。〃　

〃I　don't　want　you　to　leave；〃　I　mumbled　pathetically；　staring　down　again。　

〃Which　is　exactly　why　I　should。　But　don't　worry。　I'm　essentially　a　
selfish　creature。　I　crave　your　pany　too　much　to　do　what　I　should。〃　

〃I'm　glad。〃　

〃Don't　be！〃　He　withdrew　his　hand；　more　gently　this　time；　his　voice　was　
harsher　than　usual。　Harsh　for　him；　still　more　beautiful　than　any　human　
voice。　It　was　hard　to　keep　up　—　his　sudden　mood　changes　left　me　always　a　
step　behind；　dazed。　

〃It's　not　only　your　pany　I　crave！　Never　forget　that。　Never　forget　I　am　
more　dangerous　to　you　than　I　am　to　anyone　else。〃　He　stopped；　and　I　looked　
to　see　him　gazing　unseeingly　into　the　forest。　

I　thought　for　a　moment。　

〃I　don't　think　I　understand　exactly　what　you　mean　—　by　that　last　part　
anyway；〃　I　said。　

He　looked　back　at　me　and　smiled；　his　mood　shifting　yet　again。　

〃How　do　I　explain？〃　he　mused。　〃And　without　frightening　you　again…　hmmmm。〃　
Without　seeming　to　think　about　it；　he　placed　his　hand　back　in　mine；　I　
held　it　tightly　in　both　of　mine。　He　looked　at　our　hands。　

〃That's　amazingly　pleasant；　the　warmth。〃　He　sighed。　

A　moment　passed　as　he　assembled　his　thoughts。　

〃You　know　how　everyone　enjoys　differe