暮色-第33部分

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a　hint　of　the　anger　I'd　feared。　

〃No；〃　I　said　softly。　〃It　doesn't　matter　to　me　what　you　are。〃　

A　hard；　mocking　edge　entered　his　voice。　〃You　don't　care　if　I'm　a　monster？　
If　I'm　not　human！〃　

〃No。〃　

He　was　silent；　staring　straight　ahead　again。　His　face　was　bleak　and　cold。　

〃You're　angry；〃　I　sighed。　〃I　shouldn't　have　said　anything。〃　

〃No；〃　he　said；　but　his　tone　was　as　hard　as　his　face。　〃I'd　rather　know　
what　you're　thinking　—　even　if　what　you're　thinking　is　insane。〃　

〃So　I'm　wrong　again？〃　I　challenged。　

〃That's　not　what　I　was　referring　to。　'It　doesn't　matter'！〃　he　quoted；　
gritting　his　teeth　together。　

〃I'm　right？〃　I　gasped。　

〃Does　it　matter？〃　

I　took　a　deep　breath。　

〃Not　really。〃　I　paused。　〃But　I　am　curious。〃　My　voice；　at　least；　was　
posed。　

He　was　suddenly　resigned。　〃What　are　you　curious　about？〃　

〃How　old　are　you？〃　

〃Seventeen；〃　he　answered　promptly。　

〃And　how　long　have　you　been　seventeen？〃　

His　lips　twitched　as　he　stared　at　the　road。　〃A　while；〃　he　admitted　at　
last。　

〃Okay。〃　I　smiled；　pleased　that　he　was　still　being　honest　with　me。　He　
stared　down　at　me　with　watchful　eyes；　much　as　he　had　before；　when　he　was　
worried　I　would　go　into　shock。　I　smiled　wider　in　encouragement；　and　he　
frowned。　

〃Don't　laugh　—　but　how　can　you　e　out　during　the　daytime？〃　

He　laughed　anyway。　〃Myth。〃　

〃Burned　by　the　sun？〃　

〃Myth。〃　

〃Sleeping　in　coffins？〃　

〃Myth。〃　He　hesitated　for　a　moment；　and　a　peculiar　tone　entered　his　voice。　
〃I　can't　sleep。〃　

It　took　me　a　minute　to　absorb　that。　〃At　all？〃　

〃Never；〃　he　said；　his　voice　nearly　inaudible。　He　turned　to　look　at　me　
with　a　wistful　expression。　The　golden　eyes　held　mine；　and　I　lost　my　train　
of　thought。　I　stared　at　him　until　he　looked　away。　

〃You　haven't　asked　me　the　most　important　question　yet。〃　His　voice　was　

hard　now；　and　when　he　looked　at　me　again　his　eyes　were　cold。　

I　blinked；　still　dazed。　〃Which　one　is　that？〃　

〃You　aren't　concerned　about　my　diet？〃　he　asked　sarcastically。　

〃Oh；〃　I　murmured；　〃that。〃　

〃Yes；　that。〃　His　voice　was　bleak。　〃Don't　you　want　to　know　if　I　drink　
blood？〃　

I　flinched。　〃Well；　Jacob　said　something　about　that。〃　

〃What　did　Jacob　say？〃　he　asked　flatly。　

〃He　said　you　didn't…　hunt　people。　He　said　your　family　wasn't　supposed　to　
be　dangerous　because　you　only　hunted　animals。〃　

〃He　said　we　weren't　dangerous？〃　His　voice　was　deeply　skeptical。　

〃Not　exactly。　He　said　you　weren't　supposed　to　be　dangerous。　But　the　
Quileutes　still　didn't　want　you　on　their　land；　just　in　case。〃　

He　looked　forward；　but　I　couldn't　tell　if　he　was　watching　the　road　or　not。　

〃So　was　he　right？　About　not　hunting　people？〃　I　tried　to　keep　my　voice　as　
even　as　possible。　

〃The　Quileutes　have　a　long　memory；〃　he　whispered。　

I　took　it　as　a　confirmation。　

〃Don't　let　that　make　you　placent；　though；〃　he　warned　me。　〃They're　
right　to　keep　their　distance　from　us。　We　are　still　dangerous。〃　

〃I　don't　understand。〃　

〃We　try；〃　he　explained　slowly。　〃We're　usually　very　good　at　what　we　do。　
Sometimes　we　make　mistakes。　Me；　for　example；　allowing　myself　to　be　alone　
with　you。〃　

〃This　is　a　mistake？〃　I　heard　the　sadness　in　my　voice；　but　I　didn't　know　
if　he　could　as　well。　

〃A　very　dangerous　one；〃　he　murmured。　

We　were　both　silent　then。　I　watched　the　headlights　twist　with　the　curves　
of　the　road。　They　moved　too　fast；　it　didn't　look　real；　it　looked　like　a　
video　game。　I　was　aware　of　the　time　slipping　away　so　quickly；　like　the　
black　road　beneath　us；　and　I　was　hideously　afraid　that　I　would　never　have　
another　chance　to　be　with　him　like　this　again　—　openly；　the　walls　between　
us　gone　for　once。　His　words　hinted　at　an　end；　and　I　recoiled　from　the　
idea。　I　couldn't　waste　one　minute　I　had　with　him。　

〃Tell　me　more；〃　I　asked　desperately；　not　caring　what　he　said；　just　so　I　
could　hear　his　voice　again。　

He　looked　at　me　quickly；　startled　by　the　change　in　my　tone。　〃What　more　do　
you　want　to　know？〃　

〃Tell　me　why　you　hunt　animals　instead　of　people；〃　I　suggested；　my　voice　
still　tinged　with　desperation。　I　realized　my　eyes　were　wet；　and　I　fought　
against　the　grief　that　was　trying　to　overpower　me。　

〃I　don't　want　to　be　a　monster。〃　His　voice　was　very　low。　

〃But　animals　aren't　enough？〃　

He　paused。　〃I　can't　be　sure；　of　course；　but　I'd　pare　it　to　living　on　
tofu　and　soy　milk；　we　call　ourselves　vegetarians；　our　little　inside　joke。　
It　doesn't　pletely　satiate　the　hunger　—　or　rather　thirst。　But　it　keens　
us　strong　enough　to　resist。　Most　of　the　time。〃　His　tone　turned　ominous。　

〃Sometimes　it's　more　difficult　than　others。〃　

〃Is　it　very　difficult　for　you　now？〃　I　asked。　

He　sighed。　〃Yes。〃　

〃But　you're　not　hungry　now；〃　I　said　confidently　—　stating；　not　asking。　

〃Why　do　you　think　that？〃　

〃Your　eyes。　I　told　you　I　had　a　theory。　I've　noticed　that　people　—　men　in　
particular　—　are　crabbier　when　they're　hungry。〃　

He　chuckled。　〃You　are　observant；　aren't　you？〃　

I　didn't　answer；　I　just　listened　to　the　sound　of　his　laugh；　mitting　it　
to　memory。　

〃Were　you　hunting　this　weekend；　with　Emmett？〃　I　asked　when　it　was　quiet　
again。　

〃Yes。〃　He　paused　for　a　second；　as　if　deciding　whether　or　not　to　say　
something。　〃I　didn't　want　to　leave；　but　it　was　necessary。　It's　a　bit　
easier　to　be　around　you　when　I'm　not　thirsty。〃　

〃Why　didn't　you　want　to　leave？〃　

〃It　makes　me…　anxious…　to　be　away　from　you。〃　His　eyes　were　gentle　but　
intense；　and　they　seemed　to　be　making　my　bones　turn　soft。　〃I　wasn't　
joking　when　I　asked　you　to　try　not　to　fall　in　the　ocean　or　get　run　over　
last　Thursday。　I　was　distracted　all　weekend；　worrying　about　you。　And　
after　what　happened　tonight；　I'm　surprised　that　you　did　make　it　through　a　
whole　weekend　unscathed。〃　He　shook　his　head；　and　then　seemed　to　remember　
something。　〃Well；　not　totally　unscathed。〃　

〃What？〃　

〃Your　hands；〃　he　reminded　me。　I　looked　down　at　my　palms；　at　the　
almosthealed　scrapes　across　the　heels　of　my　hands。　His　eyes　missed　
nothing。　

〃I　fell；〃　I　sighed。　

〃That's　what　I　thought。〃　His　lips　curved　up　at　the　corners。　〃I　suppose；　
being　you；　it　could　have　been　much　worse　—　and　that　possibility　tormented　
me　the　entire　time　I　was　away。　It　was　a　very　long　three　days。　I　really　
got　on　Emmett's　nerves。〃　He　smiled　ruefully　at　me。　

〃Three　days？　Didn't　you　just　get　back　today？〃　

〃No；　we　got　back　Sunday。〃　

〃Then　why　weren't　any　of　you　in　school？〃　I　was　frustrated；　almost　angry　
as　I　thought　of　how　much　disappointment　I　had　suffered　because　of　his　
absence。　

〃Well；　you　asked　if　the　sun　hurt　me；　and　it　doesn't。　But　I　can't　go　out　
in　the　sunlight　—　at　least；　not　where　anyone　can　see。〃　

〃Why？〃　

〃I'll　show　you　sometime；〃　he　promised。　

I　thought　about　it　for　a　moment。　

〃You　might　have　called　me；〃　I　decided。　

He　was　puzzled。　〃But　I　knew　you　were　safe。〃　

〃But　I　didn't　know　where　you　were。　I　—〃　I　hesitated；　dropping　my　eyes。　

〃What？〃　His　velvety　voice　was　pelling。　

〃I　didn't　like　it。　Not　seeing　you。　It　makes　me　anxious；　too。〃　I　blushed　
to　be　saying　this　out　loud。　

He　was　quiet。　I　glanced　up；　apprehensive；　and　saw　that　his　expression　was　
pained。　

〃Ah；〃　he　groaned　quietly。　〃This　is　wrong。〃　

I　couldn't　understand　his　response。　〃What　did　I　say？〃　

〃Don't　you　see；　Bella？　It's　one　thing　for　me　to　make　myself　miserable；　
but　a　wholly　other　thing　for　you　to　be　so　involved。〃　He　turned　his　
anguished　eyes　to　the　road；　his　words　flowing　almost　too　fast　for　me　to　
understand。　〃I　don't　want　to　hear　that　you　feel　that　way。〃　His　voice　was　
low　but　urgent。　His　words　cut　me。　〃It's　wrong。　It's　not　safe。　I'm　
dangerous；　Bella　—　please；　grasp　that。〃　

〃No。〃　I　tried　very　hard　not　to　look　like　a　sulky　child。　

〃I'm　serious；〃　he　growled。　

〃So　am　I。　I　told　you；　it　doesn't　matter　what　you　are。　It's　too　late。〃　

His　voice　whipped　out；　low　and　harsh。　〃Never　say　that。〃　

I　bit　my　lip　and　was　glad　he　couldn't　know　how　much　that　hurt。　I　stared　
out　at　the　road。　We　must　be　close　now。　He　was　driving　much　too　fast。　

〃What　are　you　thinking？〃　he　asked；　his　voice　still　raw。　I　just　shook　my　
head；　not　sure　if　I　could　speak。　I　could　feel　his　gaze　on　my　face；　but　I　
kept　my　eyes　forward。　

〃Are