暮色-第13部分

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realized　the　probable　cause　—　no　one　else　was　as　aware　of　Edward　as　I　
always　was。　No　one　else　watched　him　the　way　I　did。　How　pitiful。　

Edward　was　never　surrounded　by　crowds　of　curious　bystanders　eager　for　his　
firsthand　account。　People　avoided　him　as　usual。　The　Cullens　and　the　Hales　
sat　at　the　same　table　as　always；　not　eating；　talking　only　among　
themselves。　None　of　them；　especially　Edward；　glanced　my　way　anymore。　

When　he　sat　next　to　me　in　class；　as　far　from　me　as　the　table　would　allow；　
he　seemed　totally　unaware　of　my　presence。　Only　now　and　then；　when　his　
fists　would　suddenly　ball　up　—　skin　stretched　even　whiter　over　the　bones　
—　did　I　wonder　if　he　wasn't　quite　as　oblivious　as　he　appeared。　

He　wished　he　hadn't　pulled　me　from　the　path　of　Tyler's　van　—　there　was　no　
other　conclusion　I　could　e　to。　

I　wanted　very　much　to　talk　to　him；　and　the　day　after　the　accident　I　
tried。　The　last　time　I'd　seen　him；　outside　the　ER；　we'd　both　been　so　
furious。　I　still　was　angry　that　he　wouldn't　trust　me　with　the　truth；　even　
though　I　was　keeping　my　part　of　the　bargain　flawlessly。　But　he　had　in　
fact　saved　my　life；　no　matter　how　he'd　done　it。　And；　overnight；　the　heat　
of　my　anger　faded　into　awed　gratitude。　

He　was　already　seated　when　I　got　to　Biology；　looking　straight　ahead。　I　
sat　down；　expecting　him　to　turn　toward　me。　He　showed　no　sign　that　he　
realized　I　was　there。　

〃Hello；　Edward；〃　I　said　pleasantly；　to　show　him　I　was　going　to　behave　
myself。　

He　turned　his　head　a　fraction　toward　me　without　meeting　my　gaze；　nodded　
once；　and　then　looked　the　other　way。　

And　that　was　the　last　contact　I'd　had　with　him；　though　he　was　there；　a　
foot　away　from　me；　every　day。　I　watched　him　sometimes；　unable　to　stop　
myself—　from　a　distance；　though；　in　the　cafeteria　or　parking　lot。　I　
watched　as　his　golden　eyes　grew　perceptibly　darker　day　by　day。　But　in　
class　I　gave　no　more　notice　that　he　existed　than　he　showed　toward　me。　I　

was　miserable。　And　the　dreams　continued。　

Despite　my　outright　lies；　the　tenor　of　my　emails　alerted　Renée　to　my　
depression；　and　she　called　a　few　times；　worried。　I　tried　to　convince　her　
it　was　just　the　weather　that　had　me　down。　

Mike；　at　least；　was　pleased　by　the　obvious　coolness　between　me　and　my　lab　
partner。　I　could　see　he'd　been　worried　that　Edward's　daring　rescue　might　
have　impressed　me；　and　he　was　relieved　that　it　seemed　to　have　the　
opposite　effect。　He　grew　more　confident；　sitting　on　the　edge　of　my　table　
to　talk　before　Biology　class　started；　ignoring　Edward　as　pletely　as　he　
ignored　us。　

The　snow　washed　away　for　good　after　that　one　dangerously　icy　day。　Mike　
was　disappointed　he'd　never　gotten　to　stage　his　snowball　fight；　but　
pleased　that　the　beach　trip　would　soon　be　possible。　The　rain　continued　
heavily；　though；　and　the　weeks　passed。　

Jessica　made　me　aware　of　another　event　looming　on　the　horizon　—　she　
called　the　first　Tuesday　of　March　to　ask　my　permission　to　invite　Mike　to　
the　girls'　choice　spring　dance　in　two　weeks。　

〃Are　you　sure　you　don't　mind…　you　weren't　planning　to　ask　him？〃　she　
persisted　when　I　told　her　I　didn't　mind　in　the　least。　

〃No；　Jess；　I'm　not　going；〃　I　assured　her。　Dancing　was　glaringly　outside　
my　range　of　abilities。　

〃It　will　be　really　fun。〃　Her　attempt　to　convince　me　was　halfhearted。　I　
suspected　that　Jessica　enjoyed　my　inexplicable　popularity　more　than　my　
actual　pany。　

〃You　have　fun　with　Mike；〃　I　encouraged。　

The　next　day；　I　was　surprised　that　Jessica　wasn't　her　usual　gushing　self　
in　Trig　and　Spanish。　She　was　silent　as　she　walked　by　my　side　between　
classes；　and　I　was　afraid　to　ask　her　why。　If　Mike　had　turned　her　down；　I　
was　the　last　person　she　would　want　to　tell。　

My　fears　were　strengthened　during　lunch　when　Jessica　sat　as　far　from　Mike　
as　possible；　chatting　animatedly　with　Eric。　Mike　was　unusually　quiet。　

Mike　was　still　quiet　as　he　walked　me　to　class；　the　unfortable　look　on　
his　face　a　bad　sign。　But　he　didn't　broach　the　subject　until　I　was　in　my　
seat　and　he　was　perched　on　my　desk。　As　always；　I　was　electrically　aware　
of　Edward　sitting　close　enough　to　touch；　as　distant　as　if　he　were　merely　
an　invention　of　my　imagination。　

〃So；〃　Mike　said；　looking　at　the　floor；　〃Jessica　asked　me　to　the　spring　
dance。〃　

〃That's　great。〃　I　made　my　voice　bright　and　enthusiastic。　〃You'll　have　a　
lot　of　fun　with　Jessica。〃　

〃Well…〃　He　floundered　as　he　examined　my　smile；　clearly　not　happy　with　my　
response。　〃I　told　her　I　had　to　think　about　it。〃　

〃Why　would　you　do　that？〃　I　let　disapproval　color　my　tone；　though　I　was　
relieved　he　hadn't　given　her　an　absolute　no。　

His　face　was　bright　red　as　he　looked　down　again。　Pity　shook　my　resolve。　

〃I　was　wondering　if…　well；　if　you　might　be　planning　to　ask　me。〃　

I　paused　for　a　moment；　hating　the　wave　of　guilt　that　swept　through　me。　
But　I　saw；　from　the　corner　of　my　eye；　Edward's　head　tilt　reflexively　in　
my　direction。　

〃Mike；　I　think　you　should　tell　her　yes；〃　I　said。　

〃Did　you　already　ask　someone？〃　Did　Edward　notice　how　Mike's　eyes　
flickered　in　his　direction？　

〃No；〃　I　assured　him。　〃I'm　not　going　to　the　dance　at　all。〃　

〃Why　not？〃　Mike　demanded。　

I　didn't　want　to　get　into　the　safety　hazards　that　dancing　presented；　so　I　
quickly　made　new　plans。　

〃I'm　going　to　Seattle　that　Saturday；〃　I　explained。　I　needed　to　get　out　of　
town　anyway　—　it　was　suddenly　the　perfect　time　to　go。　

〃Can't　you　go　some　other　weekend？〃　

〃Sorry；　no；〃　I　said。　〃So　you　shouldn't　make　Jess　wait　any　longer　—　it's　
rude。〃　

〃Yeah；　you're　right；〃　he　mumbled；　and　turned；　dejected；　to　walk　back　to　
his　seat。　I　closed　my　eyes　and　pressed　my　fingers　to　my　temples；　trying　
to　push　the　guilt　and　sympathy　out　of　my　head。　Mr。　Banner　began　talking。　
I　sighed　and　opened　my　eyes。　

And　Edward　was　staring　at　me　curiously；　that　same；　familiar　edge　of　
frustration　even　more　distinct　now　in　his　black　eyes。　

I　stared　back；　surprised；　expecting　him　to　look　quickly　away。　But　instead　
he　continued　to　gaze　with　probing　intensity　into　my　eyes。　There　was　no　
question　of　me　looking　away。　My　hands　started　to　shake。　

〃Mr。　Cullen？〃　the　teacher　called；　seeking　the　answer　to　a　question　that　I　
hadn't　heard。　

〃The　Krebs　Cycle；〃　Edward　answered；　seeming　reluctant　as　he　turned　to　
look　at　Mr。　Banner。　

I　looked　down　at　my　book　as　soon　as　his　eyes　released　me；　trying　to　find　
my　place。　Cowardly　as　ever；　I　shifted　my　hair　over　my　right　shoulder　to　
hide　my　face。　I　couldn't　believe　the　rush　of　emotion　pulsing　through　me　—　
just　because　he'd　happened　to　look　at　me　for　the　first　time　in　a　
halfdozen　weeks。　I　couldn't　allow　him　to　have　this　level　of　influence　
over　me。　It　was　pathetic。　More　than　pathetic；　it　was　unhealthy。　

I　tried　very　hard　not　to　be　aware　of　him　for　the　rest　of　the　hour；　and；　
since　that　was　impossible；　at　least　not　to　let　him　know　that　I　was　aware　
of　him。　When　the　bell　rang　at　last；　I　turned　my　back　to　him　to　gather　my　
things；　expecting　him　to　leave　immediately　as　usual。　

〃Bella？〃　His　voice　shouldn't　have　been　so　familiar　to　me；　as　if　I'd　known　
the　sound　of　it　all　my　life　rather　than　for　just　a　few　short　weeks。　

I　turned　slowly；　unwillingly。　I　didn't　want　to　feel　what　I　knew　I　would　
feel　when　I　looked　at　his　tooperfect　face。　My　expression　was　wary　when　I　
finally　turned　to　him；　his　expression　was　unreadable。　He　didn't　say　
anything。　

〃What？　Are　you　speaking　to　me　again？〃　I　finally　asked；　an　unintentional　
note　of　petulance　in　my　voice。　

His　lips　twitched；　fighting　a　smile。　〃No；　not　really；〃　he　admitted。　

I　closed　my　eyes　and　inhaled　slowly　through　my　nose；　aware　that　I　was　
gritting　my　teeth。　He　waited。　

〃Then　what　do　you　want；　Edward？〃　I　asked；　keeping　my　eyes　closed；　it　was　
easier　to　talk　to　him　coherently　that　way。　

〃I'm　sorry。〃　He　sounded　sincere。　〃I'm　being　very　rude；　I　know。　But　it's　
better　this　way；　really。〃　

I　opened　my　eyes。　His　face　was　very　serious。　

〃I　don't　know　what　you　mean；〃　I　said；　my　voice　guarded。　

〃It's　better　if　we're　not　friends；〃　he　explained。　〃Trust　me。〃　

My　eyes　narrowed。　I'd　heard　that　before。　

〃It's　too　bad　you　didn't　figure　that　out　earlier；〃　I　hissed　through　my　
teeth。　〃Yo