3 eclipse月食-第75部分

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I’m　not　human　anymore。”　
　　He　waited　for　me　to　continue。　I　didn’t。　My　face　was　all　hot。　
　　“Whatever　you　want；”　he　encouraged；　anxious　and　pletely　clueless。　

　“Do　you　promise？”　I　muttered；　knowing　my　attempt　to　trap　him　with　his　words　was　not　going　to　work；　but　
unable　to　resist。　
　“Yes；”　he　said。　I　looked　up　to　see　that　his　eyes　were　earnest　and　confused。　“Tell　me　what　you　want；　and　
you　can　have　it。”　
　I　couldn’t　believe　how　awkward　and　idiotic　I　felt。　I　was　too　innocent　—　which　was；　of　course；　central　to　
the　discussion。　I　didn’t　have　the　faintest　idea　how　to　be　seductive。　I　would　just　have　to　settle　for　flushed　and　
selfconscious。　
　“You；”　I　mumbled　almost　incoherently。　
　“I’m　yours。”　He　smiled；　still　oblivious；　trying　to　hold　my　gaze　as　I　looked　away　again。　
　I　took　a　deep　breath　and　shifted　forward　so　that　I　was　kneeling　on　the　bed。　Then　I　wrapped　my　arms　
around　his　neck　and　kissed　him。　
　He　kissed　me　back；　bewildered　but　willing。　His　lips　were　gentle　against　mine；　and　I　could　tell　his　mind　was　
elsewhere　—　trying　to　figure　out　what　was　on　my　mind。　I　decided　he　needed　a　hint。　
　My　hands　were　slightly　shaky　as　I　unlocked　my　arms　from　around　his　neck。　My　fingers　slid　down　his　neck　
to　the　collar　of　his　shirt。　The　trembling　didn’t　help　as　I　tried　to　hurry　to　undo　the　buttons　before　he　stopped　me。　
　His　lips　froze；　and　I　could　almost　hear　the　click　in　his　head　as　he　put　together　my　words　and　my　actions。　
　He　pushed　me　away　at　once；　his　face　heavily　disapproving。　
　“Be　reasonable；　Bella。”　
　“You　promised　—　whatever　I　wanted；”　I　reminded　him　without　hope。　
　“We’re　not　having　this　discussion。”　He　glared　at　me　while　he　refastened　the　two　buttons　I’d　managed　to　
open。　
　My　teeth　clamped　together。　
　“I　say　we　are；”　I　growled。　I　moved　my　hands　to　my　blouse　and　yanked　open　the　top　button。　
　He　grabbed　my　wrists　and　pinned　them　to　my　sides。　
　“I　say　we’re　not；”　he　said　flatly。　
　We　glowered　at　each　other。　
　“You　wanted　to　know；”　I　pointed　out。　
　“I　thought　it　would　be　something　faintly　realistic。”　
　“So　you　can　ask　for　any　stupid；　ridiculous　thing　you　want　—　like　getting　married　—　but　I’m　not　allowed　
to　even　discuss　what　I　—”　
　While　I　was　ranting；　he　pulled　my　hands　together　to　restrain　them　in　just　one　of　his；　and　put　his　other　hand　
over　my　mouth。　
　“No。”　His　face　was　hard。　
　I　took　a　deep　breath　to　steady　myself。　And；　as　the　anger　began　to　fade；　I　felt　something　else。　
　It　took　me　a　minute　to　recognize　why　I　was　staring　down　again；　the　blush　returning　—　why　my　stomach　
felt　uneasy；　why　there　was　too　much　moisture　in　my　eyes；　why　I　suddenly　wanted　to　run　from　the　room。　
　Rejection　washed　through　me；　instinctive　and　strong。　
　I　knew　it　was　irrational。　He’d　been　very　clear　on　other　occasions　that　my　safety　was　the　only　factor。　Yet　
I’d　never　made　myself　quite　so　vulnerable　before。　I　scowled　at　the　golden　forter　that　matched　his　eyes　and　
tried　to　banish　the　reflex　reaction　that　told　me　I　was　unwanted　and　unwantable。　
　Edward　sighed。　The　hand　over　my　mouth　moved　under　my　chin；　and　he　pulled　my　face　up　until　I　had　to　
look　at　him。　
　“What　now？”　
　“Nothing；”　I　mumbled。　
　He　scrutinized　my　face　for　long　moment　while　I　tried　unsuccessfully　to　twist　away　from　his　gaze。　His　brow　
furrowed；　and　his　expression　became　horrified。　
　“Did　I　hurt　your　feelings？”　he　asked；　shocked。　
　“No；”　I　lied。　
　So　quickly　that　I　wasn’t　even　sure　how　it　happened；　I　was　in　his　arms；　my　face　cradled　between　his　
shoulder　and　his　hand；　while　his　thumb　stroked　reassuringly　against　my　cheek。　
　“You　know　why　I　have　to　say　no；”　he　murmured。　“You　know　that　I　want　you；　too。”　
　“Do　you？”　I　whispered；　my　voice　full　of　doubt。　

“Of　course　I　do；　you　silly；　beautiful；　oversensitive　girl。”　He　laughed　once；　and　then　his　voice　was　bleak。　
“Doesn’t　everyone？　I　feel　like　there’s　a　line　behind　me；　jockeying　for　position；　waiting　for　me　to　make　a　big　
enough　mistake。　。　。　。　You’re　too　desirable　for　your　own　good。”　
“Who’s　being　silly　now？”　I　doubted　if　awkward；　selfconscious；　and　inept　added　up　to　desirable　in　
anyone’s　book。　
“Do　I　have　to　send　a　petition　around　to　get　you　to　believe？　Shall　I　tell　you　whose　names　would　be　on　the　
top　of　the　list？　You　know　a　few　of　them；　but　some　might　surprise　you。”　
I　shook　my　head　against　his　chest；　grimacing。　“You’re　just　trying　to　distract　me。　Let’s　get　back　to　the　
subject。”　
He　sighed。　
“Tell　me　if　I　have　anything　wrong。”　I　tried　to　sound　detached。　“Your　demands　are　marriage”　—　I　couldn’t　
say　the　word　without　making　a　face　—　“paying　my　tuition；　more　time；　and　you　wouldn’t　mind　if　myvehicle　
went　a　little　faster。”　I　raised　my　eyebrows。　“Did　I　get　everything？　That’s　a　hefty　list。”　
“Only　the　first　is　a　demand。”　He　seemed　to　be　having　a　hard　time　keeping　a　straight　face。　“The　others　are　
merely　requests。”　
“And　my　lone；　solitary　little　demand　is　—”　
“Demand？”　he　interrupted；　suddenly　serious　again。　
“Yes；　demand。”　
His　eyes　narrowed。　
“Getting　married　is　a　stretch　for　me。　I’m　not　giving　in　unless　I　get　something　in　return。”　
He　leaned　down　to　whisper　in　my　ear。　“No；”　he　murmured　silkily。　“It’s　not　possible　now。　Later；　when　
you’re　less　breakable。　Be　patient；　Bella。”　
I　tried　to　keep　my　voice　firm　and　reasonable。　“But　that’s　the　problem。　It　won’t　be　the　same　when　I’m　less　
breakable。　I　won’t　be　the　same！　I　don’t　know　who　I’ll　be　then。”　
“You’ll　still　be　Bella；”　he　promised。　
I　frowned。　“If　I’m　so　far　gone　that　I’d　want　to　kill　Charlie　—　that　I’d　drink　Jacob’s　blood　or　Angela’s　if　I　
got　the　chance　—　how　can　that　be　true？”　
“It　will　pass。　And　I　doubt　you’ll　want　to　drink　the　dog’s　blood。”　He　pretended　to　shudder　at　the　thought。　
“Even　as　a　newborn；　you’ll　have　better　taste　than　that。”　
I　ignored　his　attempt　to　sidetrack　me。　“But　that　will　always　be　what　I　want　most；　won’t　it？”　I　challenged。　
“Blood；　blood；　and　more　blood！”　
“The　fact　that　you　are　still　alive　is　proof　that　that　is　not　true；”　he　pointed　out。　
“Over　eighty　years　later；”　I　reminded　him。　“What　I　meant　was　physically；　though。　Intellectually；　I　know　I’ll　
be　able　to　be　myself　。　。　。　after　a　while。　But　just　purely　physically　—　I　will　always　be　thirsty；　more　than　anything　
else。”　
He　didn’t　answer。　
“So　I　will　be　different；”　I　concluded　unopposed。　“Because　right　now；　physically；　there’s　nothing　I　want　
more　than　you。　More　than　food　or　water　or　oxygen。　Intellectually；　I　have　my　priorities　in　a　slightly　more　
sensible　order。　But　physically　。　。　。”　
I　twisted　my　head　to　kiss　the　palm　of　his　hand。　
He　took　a　deep　breath。　I　was　surprised　that　it　sounded　a　little　unsteady。　
“Bella；　I　could　kill　you；”　he　whispered。　
“I　don’t　think　you　could。”　
Edward’s　eyes　tightened。　He　lifted　his　hand　from　my　face　and　reached　quickly　behind　himself　for　
something　I　couldn’t　see。　There　was　a　muffled　snapping　sound；　and　the　bed　quivered　beneath　us。　
Something　dark　was　in　his　hand；　he　held　it　up　for　my　curious　examination。　It　was　a　metal　flower；　one　of　the　
roses　that　adorned　the　wrought　iron　posts　and　canopy　of　his　bed　frame。　His　hand　closed　for　a　brief　second；　
his　fingers　contracting　gently；　and　then　it　opened　again。　
Without　a　word；　he　offered　me　the　crushed；　uneven　lump　of　black　metal。　It　was　a　cast　of　the　inside　of　his　
hand；　like　a　piece　of　play　dough　squeezed　in　a　child’s　fist。　A　halfsecond　passed；　and　the　shape　crumbled　into　
black　sand　in　his　palm。　
I　glared。　“That’s　not　what　I　meant。　I　already　know　how　strong　you　are。　You　didn’t　have　to　break　the　

furniture。”　
“What　did　you　mean　then？”　he　asked　in　a　dark　voice；　tossing　the　handful　of　iron　sand　to　the　corner　of　the　
room；　it　hit　the　wall　with　a　sound　like　rain。　
His　eyes　were　intent　on　my　face　as　I　struggled　to　explain。　
“Obviously　not　that　you　aren’t　physically　able　hurt　me；　if　you　wanted　to　。　。　。　More　that；　you　don’t　want　to　
hurt　me　。　。　。　so　much　so　that　I　don’t　think　that　you　ever　could。”　
He　started　shaking　his　head　before　I　was　done。　
“It　might　not　work　like　that；　Bella。”　
“Might；”　I　scoffed。　“You　have　no　more　idea　what　you’re　talking　about　than　I　do。