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3 eclipse月食-第101部分

小说: 3 eclipse月食 字数: 每页4000字

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 “You know that story in the Bible?” Jacob asked suddenly; still reading the blank ceiling。 “The one with 
the king and the two women fighting over the baby?” 
 “Sure。 King Solomon。” 
 “That’s right。 King Solomon;” he repeated。 “And he said; cut the kid in half 。 。 。 but it was only a test。 Just 
to see who would give up their share to protect it。” 
 “Yeah; I remember。” 
 He looked back at my face。 “I’m not going to cut you in half anymore; Bella。” 
 I understood what he was saying。 He was telling me that he loved me the most; that his surrender proved 
it。 I wanted to defend Edward; to tell Jacob how Edward would do the same thing if I wanted; if I would let 
him。 I was the one who wouldn’t renounce my claim there。 But there was no point in starting an argument that 
would only hurt him more。 
 I closed my eyes; willing myself to control the pain。 I couldn’t impose that on him。 
 We were quiet for a moment。 He seemed to be waiting for me to say something; I was trying to think of 
something to say。 
 “Can I tell you what the worst part is?” he asked hesitantly when I said nothing。 “Do you mind? I am 
going to be good。” 
 “Will it help?” I whispered。 
 “It might。 It couldn’t hurt。” 
 “What’s the worst part; then?” 
 “The worse part is knowing what would have been。” 
 “What might have been。” I sighed。 
 “No。” Jacob shook his head。 “I’m exactly right for you; Bella。 It would have been effortless for us — 
fortable; easy as breathing。 I was the natural path your life would have taken。 。 。 。” He stared into space 
for a moment; and I waited。 “If the world was the way it was supposed to be; if there were no monsters and 
no magic 。 。 。” 
 I could see what he saw; and I knew that he was right。 If the world was the sane place it was supposed to 
be; Jacob and I would have been together。 And we would have been happy。 He was my soul mate in that 
world — would have been my soul mate still if his claim had not been overshadowed by something stronger; 
something so strong that it could not exist in a rational world。 
 Was it out there for Jacob; too? Something that would trump a soul mate? I had to believe that it was。 

Two futures; two soul mates 。 。 。 too much for any one person。 And so unfair that I wouldn’t be the only 
one to pay for it。 Jacob’s pain seemed too high a price。 Cringing at the thought of that price; I wondered if I 
would have wavered; if I hadn’t lost Edward once。 If I didn’t know what it was like to live without him。 I 
wasn’t sure。 That knowledge was so deep a part of me; I couldn’t imagine how I would feel without it。 
“He’s like a drug for you; Bella。” His voice was still gentle; not at all critical。 “I see that you can’t live 
without him now。 It’s too late。 But I would have been healthier for you。 Not a drug; I would have been the air; 
the sun。” 
The corner of my mouth turned up in a wistful halfsmile。 “I used to think of you that way; you know。 Like 
the sun。 My personal sun。 You balanced out the clouds nicely for me。” 
He sighed。 “The clouds I can handle。 But I can’t fight with an eclipse。” 
I touched his face; laying my hand against his cheek。 He exhaled at my touch and closed his eyes。 It was 
very quiet。 For a minute I could hear the beating of his heart; slow and even。 
“Tell me the worst part for you;” he whispered。 
“I think that might be a bad idea。” 
“Please。” 
“I think it will hurt。” 
“Please。” 
How could I deny him anything at this point? 
“The worst part 。 。 。” I hesitated; and then let words spill out in a flood of truth。 “The worst part is that I 
saw the whole thing — our whole life。 And I want it bad; Jake; I want it all。 I want to stay right here and never 
move。 I want to love you and make you happy。 And I can’t; and it’s killing me。 It’s like Sam and Emily; Jake 
— I never had a choice。 I always knew nothing would change。 Maybe that’s why I was fighting against you so 
hard。” 
He seemed to be concentrating on breathing evenly。 
“I knew I shouldn’t have told you that。” 
He shook his head slowly。 “No。 I’m glad you did。 Thank you。” He kissed the top of my head; and then he 
sighed。 “I’ll be good now。” 
I looked up; and he was smiling。 
“So you’re going to get married; huh?” 
“We don’t have to talk about that。” 
“I’d like to know some of the details。 I don’t know when I’ll talk to you again。” 
I had to wait for a minute before I could speak。 When I was pretty sure that my voice wouldn’t break; I 
answered his question。 
“It’s not really my idea 。 。 。 but; yes。 It means a lot to him。 I figure; why not?” 
Jake nodded。 “That’s true。 It’s not such a big thing — in parison。” 
His voice was very calm; very practical。 I stared at him; curious about how he was managing; and that 
ruined it。 He met my eyes for a second; and then twisted his head away。 I waited to speak until his breathing 
was under control。 
“Yes。 In parison;” I agreed。 
“How long do you have left?” 
“That depends on how long it takes Alice to pull a wedding together。” I suppressed a groan; imagining 
what Alice would do。 
“Before or after?” he asked quietly。 
I knew what he meant。 “After。” 
He nodded。 This was a relief to him。 I wondered how many sleepless nights the thought of my graduation 
had given him。 
“Are you scared?” he whispered。 
“Yes;” I whispered back。 
“What are you afraid of?” I could barely hear his voice now。 He stared down at my hands。 
“Lots of things。” I worked to make my voice lighter; but I stayed honest。 “I’ve never been much of a 
masochist; so I’m not looking forward to the pain。 And I wish there was some way to keep him away — I 
don’t want him to suffer with me; but I don’t think there’s any way around it。 There’s dealing with Charlie; 

too; and Renée。 。 。 。 And then afterward; I hope I’ll be able to control myself soon。 Maybe I’ll be such a 
menace that the pack will have to take me out。” 
He looked up with a disapproving expression。 “I’d hamstring any one of my brothers who tried。” 
“Thanks。” 
He smiled halfheartedly。 Then he frowned。 “But isn’t it more dangerous than that? In all of the stories; they 
say it’s too hard 。 。 。 they lose control 。 。 。 people die。 。 。 。” He gulped。 
“No; I’m not afraid of that。 Silly Jacob — don’t you know better than to believe vampire stories?” 
He obviously didn’t appreciate my attempt at humor。 
“Well; anyway; lots to worry about。 But worth it; in the end。” 
He nodded unwillingly; and I knew that he in no way agreed with me。 
I stretched my neck up to whisper in his ear; laying my cheek against his warm skin。 “You know I love 
you。” 
“I know;” he breathed; his arm tightening automatically around my waist。 “You know how much I wish it 
was enough。” 
“Yes。” 
“I’ll always be waiting in the wings; Bella;” he promised; lightening his tone and loosening his arm。 I pulled 
away with a dull; dragging sense of loss; feeling the tearing separation as I left a part of me behind; there on the 
bed next to him。 “You’ll always have that spare option if you want it。” 
I made an effort to smile。 “Until my heart stops beating。” 
He grinned back。 “You know; I think maybe I’d still take you — maybe。 I guess that depends on how 
much you stink。” 
“Should I e back to see you? Or would you rather I didn’t?” 
“I’ll think it through and get back to you;” he said。 “I might need the pany to keep from going crazy。 
The vampire surgeon extraordinaire says I can’t phase until he gives the okay — it might mess up the way the 
bones are set。” Jacob made a face。 
“Be good and do what Carlisle tells you to do。 You’ll get well faster。” 
“Sure; sure。” 
“I wonder when it will happen;” I said。 “When the right girl is going to catch your eye。” 
“Don’t get your hopes up; Bella。” Jacob’s voice was abruptly sour。 “Though I’m sure it would be a relief 
for you。” 
“Maybe; maybe not。 I probably won’t think she’s good enough for you。 I wonder how jealous I’ll be。” 
“That part might be kind of fun;” he admitted。 
“Let me know if you want me to e back; and I’ll be here;” I promised。 
With a sigh; he

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