4 breaking dawn破晓-第34部分

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〃Thanks；　Jake。　That　feels　good。〃　

〃I'm　not　going　to　lie；　Bells。　You're　hideous。〃　

〃I　know；〃　she　sighed。　Tm　scarylooking。〃　

〃Thingfromtheswamp　scary；〃　I　agreed。　

She　laughed。　〃It's　so　good　having　you　here。　It　feels　nice　to　smile。　I　don't　know　how　much　more　drama　I　
can　stand。〃　

I　rolled　my　eyes。　

〃Okay；　okay；〃　she　agreed。　〃I　bring　it　on　myself。〃　

〃Yeah；　you　do。　What're　you　thinking；　Bells？　Seriously！〃　

〃Did　he　ask　you　to　yell　at　me？〃　

〃Sort　of。　Though　I　can't　figure　why　he　thinks　you'd　listen　to　me。　You　never　have　before。〃　

She　sighed。　

〃I　told　you—；〃　I　started　to　say。　

〃Did　you　know　that　7　told　you　so'　has　a　brother；　Jacob？〃　she　asked；　cutting　me　off。　〃His　name　is　'Shut　
the　hell　up。〃　

〃Good　one。〃　

She　grinned　at　me。　Her　skin　stretched　tight　over　the　bones。　〃I　can't　take　credit—i　got　it　off　a　rerun　of　
The　Simpsons〃　

〃Missed　that　one。〃　

〃It　was　funny。〃　

We　didn't　talk　for　a　minute。　Her　hands　were　starting　to　warm　up　a　little。　

〃Did　he　really　ask　you　to　talk　to　me？〃　

I　nodded。　〃To　talk　some　sense　into　you。　There's　a　battle　that's　lost　before　it　starts。〃　

〃So　why　did　you　agree？〃　

I　didn't　answer。　I　wasn't　sure　I　knew。　

I　did　know　this—every　second　I　spent　with　her　was　only　going　to　add　to　the　pain　I　would　have　to　suffer　
later。　Like　a　junkie　with　a　limited　supply；　the　day　of　reckoning　was　ing　for　me。　The　more　hits　I　took　
now；　the　harder　it　would　be　when　my　supply　ran　out。　



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〃It'll　work　out；　you　know；〃　she　said　after　a　quiet　minute。　〃I　believe　that。〃　

That　made　me　see　red　again。　〃Is　dementia　one　of　your　symptoms？〃　I　snapped。　

She　laughed；　though　my　anger　was　so　real　that　my　hands　were　shaking　around　hers。　

〃Maybe；〃　she　said。　Tm　not　saying　things　will　work　out　easily；　Jake。　But　how　could　I　have　lived　through　
all　that　I've　lived　through　and　not　believe　in　magic　by　this　point？〃　

〃Magic？〃　

〃Especially　for　you；〃　she　said。　She　was　smiling。　She　pulled　one　of　her　hands　away　from　mine　and　
pressed　it　against　my　cheek。　Warmer　than　before；　but　it　felt　cool　against　my　skin；　like　most　things　did。　
〃More　than　anyone　else；　you've　got　some　magic　waiting　to　make　things　right　for　you。〃　

〃What　are　you　babbling　about？〃　

Still　smiling。　〃Edward　told　me　once　what　it　was　like—your　imprinting　thing。　He　said　it　was　like　A　
Midsummer　Night's　Dream；　like　magic。　You'll　find　who　you're　really　looking　for；　Jacob；　and　maybe　
then　all　of　this　will　make　sense。〃　

If　she　hadn't　looked　so　fragile　I　would've　been　screaming。　

As　it　was；　I　did　growl　at　her。　

〃If　you　think　that　imprinting　could　ever　make　sense　of　this　insanity　。。。〃　I　struggled　for　words。　〃Do　you　
really　think　that　just　because　I　might　someday　imprint　on　some　stranger　it　would　make　this　right？〃　I　
jabbed　a　finger　toward　her　swollen　body。　〃Tell　me　what　the　point　was　then；　Bella！　What　was　the　point　of　
me　loving　you？　What　was　the　point　of　you　loving　him？　When　you　die〃—the　words　were　a　snarl—〃how　
is　that　ever　right　again？　What's　the　point　to　all　the　pain？　Mine；　yours；　his！　You'll　kill　him；　too；　not　that　I　
care　about　that。〃　She　flinched；　but　I　kept　going。　〃So　what　was　the　

point　of　your　twisted　love　story；　in　the　end？　If　there　is　any　sense；　please　show　me；　Bella；　because　I　don't　
see　it。〃　

She　sighed。　〃I　don't　know　yet；　Jake。　But　I　just。。。　feel。。。　that　this　is　all　going　somewhere　good；　hard　to　see　
as　it　is　now。　I　guess　you　could　call　it　faith。〃　

〃You're　dying　for　nothing；　Bella！　Nothing！〃　

Her　hand　dropped　from　my　face　to　her　bloated　stomach；　caressed　it。　She　didn't　have　to　say　the　words　
for　me　to　know　what　she　was　thinking。　She　was　dying　for　it。　

I'm　not　going　to　die；〃　she　said　through　her　teeth；　and　I　could　tell　she　was　repeating　things　she'd　said　
before。　〃I　will　keep　my　heart　beating。　I'm　strong　enough　for　that。〃　

〃That's　a　load　of　crap；　Bella。　You've　been　trying　to　keep　up　with　the　supernatural　for　too　long。　No　
normal　person　can　do　it。　You're　not　strong　enough。〃　I　took　her　face　in　my　hand。　I　didn't　have　to　remind　
myself　to　be　gentle。　Everything　about　her　screamed　breakable。　




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〃I　can　do　this。　I　can　do　this；〃　she　muttered；　sounding　a　lot　like　that　kids'　book　about　the　little　engine　that　
could。　

〃Doesn't　look　like　it　to　me。　So　what's　your　plan？　I　hope　you　have　one。〃　

She　nodded；　not　meeting　my　eyes。　〃Did　you　know　Esme　jumped　off　a　cliff？　When　she　was　human；　I　
mean。〃　

〃So？〃　

〃So　she　was　close　enough　to　dead　that　they　didn't　even　bother　taking　her　to　the　emergency　room—they　
took　her　right　around　to　the　morgue。　Her　heart　was　still　beating；　though；　when　Carlisle　found　her___〃　

That's　what　she'd　meant　before；　about　keeping　her　heart　beating。　

〃You're　not　planning　on　surviving　this　human；〃　I　stated　dully。　

〃No。　I'm　not　stupid。〃　She　met　my　stare　then。　〃I　guess　you　probably　have　your　own　opinion　on　that　point；　
though。〃　

〃Emergency　vampirization；〃　I　mumbled。　

〃It　worked　for　Esme。　And　Emmett；　and　Rosalie；　and　even　Edward。　None　of　them　were　in　such　great　
shape。　Carlisle　only　changed　them　because　it　was　that　or　death。　He　doesn't　end　lives；　he　saves　them。〃　

I　felt　a　sudden　twinge　of　guilt　about　the　good　vampire　doctor；　like　before。　I　shoved　the　thought　away　and　
started　in　on　the　begging。　

〃Listen　to　me；　Bells。　Don't　do　it　that　way。〃　Like　before；　when　the　call　from　Charlie　had　e；　I　could　
see　how　much　difference　it　really　made　to　me。　I　realized　I　needed　her　to　stay　alive；　in　some　form。　In　any　
form。　I　took　a　deep　breath。　〃Don't　wait　until　it's　too　late；　Bella。　Not　that　way。　Live。　Okay？　Just　live。　
Don't　do　this　to　me。　Don't　do　it　to　him。〃　My　voice　got　harder；　louder。　〃You　know　what　he's　going　to　do　
when　you　die。　You've　seen　it　before。　You　want　him　to　go　back　to　those　Italian　killers？〃　She　cringed　into　
the　sofa。　

I　left　out　the　part　about　how　that　wouldn't　be　necessary　this　time。　

Struggling　to　make　my　voice　softer；　I　asked；　〃Remember　when　I　got　mangled　up　by　those　newborns？　
What　did　you　tell　me？〃　

I　waited；　but　she　wouldn't　answer。　She　pressed　her　lips　together。　

〃You　told　me　to　be　good　and　listen　to　Carlisle；〃　I　reminded　her。　〃And　what　did　I　do？　I　listened　to　the　
vampire。　For　

you。〃　

〃You　listened　because　it　was　the　right　thing　to　do。〃　

〃Okay—pick　either　reason。〃　




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She　took　a　deep　breath。　〃It's　not　the　right　thing　now。〃　Her　gaze　touched　her　big　round　stomach　and　she　
whispered　under　her　breath；　〃I　won't　kill　him。〃　

My　hands　shook　again。　〃Oh；　I　hadn't　heard　the　great　news。　A　bouncing　baby　boy；　huh？　Shoulda　brought　
some　blueballoons。〃　

Her　face　turned　pink。　The　color　was　so　beautiful—it　twisted　in　my　stomach　like　a　knife。　A　serrated　
knife；　rusty　and　ragged。　

I　was　going　to　lose　this。　Again。　

〃I　don't　know　he's　a　boy；〃　she　admitted；　a　little　sheepish。　〃The　ultrasound　wouldn't　work。　The　membrane　
around　the　baby　is　too　hard—like　their　skin。　So　he's　a　little　mystery。　But　I　always　see　a　boy　in　my　head。〃　

〃It's　not　some　pretty　baby　in　there；　Bella。〃　

〃We'll　see；〃　she　said。　Almost　smug。　

〃You　won't；〃　I　snarled。　

〃You're　very　pessimistic；　Jacob。　There　is　definitely　a　chance　that　I　might　walk　away　from　this。〃　

I　couldn't　answer。　I　looked　down　and　breathed　deep　and　slow；　trying　to　get　a　grip　on　my　fury。　

〃Jake；〃　she　said；　and　she　patted　my　hair；　stroked　my　cheek。　〃It's　going　to　be　okay。　Shh。　it's　okay。〃　

I　didn't　look　up。　〃No。　It　will　not　be　okay。〃　

She　wiped　something　wet　from　my　cheek。　〃Shh。〃　

〃What's　the　deal；　Bella？〃　I　stared　at　the　pale　carpet。　My　bare　feet　were　dirty；　leaving　smudges。　Good。　〃I　
thought　the　whole　point　was　that　you　wanted　your　vampire　more　than　anything。　And　now　you're　just　
giving　him　up？　That　doesn't　make　any　sense。　Since　when　are　you　desperate　to　be　a　mom？　If　you　wanted　
that　so　much；　why　did　you　marry　a　vampire？〃　

I　was　dangerously　close　to　that　offer　he