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〃Edward；〃　I　said；　a　strange　little　catch　in　my　throat；　〃what　is　it？　What's　wrong？〃　

〃You　have　to　ask？〃　His　voice　was　hard；　cynical。　

My　first　instinct；　the　product　of　a　lifetime　of　insecurities；　was　to　wonder　what　I　had　done　wrong。　I　
thought　through　everything　that　had　happened；　but　I　couldn't　find　any　sour　note　in　the　memory。　It　had　all　
been　simpler　than　I'd　expected；　we'd　fit　together　like　corresponding　pieces；　made　to　match　up。　This　had　
given　me　a　secret　satisfaction—we　were　patible　physically；　as　well　as　all　the　other　ways。　Fire　and　
ice；　somehow　existing　together　without　destroying　each　other。　More　proof　that　I　belonged　with　him。　

I　couldn't　think　of　any　part　that　would　make　him　look　like　this—so　severe　and　cold。　What　had　I　missed？　

His　finger　smoothed　the　worried　lines　on　my　forehead。　

〃What　are　you　thinking？〃　he　whispered。　

〃You're　upset。　I　don't　understand。　Did　I。。。　？〃　I　couldn't　finish。　

His　eyes　tightened。　〃How　badly　are　you　hurt；　Bella？　The　truth—don't　try　to　downplay　it。〃　

〃Hurt？〃　I　repeated；　my　voice　came　out　higher　than　usual　because　the　word　took　me　so　by　surprise。　

He　raised　one　eyebrow；　his　lips　a　tight　line。　

I　made　a　quick　assessment；　stretching　my　body　automatically；　tensing　and　flexing　my　muscles。　There　was　
stiffness；　and　a　lot　of　soreness；　too；　it　was　true；　but　mostly　there　was　the　odd　sensation　that　my　bones　all　
had　bee　unhinged　at　the　joints；　and　I　had　changed　halfway　into　the　consistency　of　a　jellyfish。　It　was　
not　an　unpleasant　feeling。　

And　then　I　was　a　little　angry；　because　he　was　darkening　this　most　perfect　of　all　mornings　with　his　
pessimistic　assumptions。　

〃Why　would　you　jump　to　that　conclusion？　I've　never　been　better　than　I　am　now。〃　

His　eyes　closed。　〃Stop　that。〃　




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〃Stop　what？〃　

〃Stop　acting　like　I'm　not　a　monster　for　having　agreed　to　this。〃　

〃Edward！'7I　whispered；　really　upset　now。　He　was　pulling　my　bright　memory　through　the　darkness；　
staining　it。　〃Don't　ever　say　that。〃　

He　didn't　open　his　eyes；　it　was　like　he　didn't　want　to　see　me。　

〃Look　at　yourself；　Bella。　Then　tell　me　I'm　not　a　monster。〃　

Wounded；　shocked；　I　followed　his　instruction　unthinkingly　and　then　gasped。　

What　had　happened　to　me？　I　couldn't　make　sense　of　the　fluffy　white　snow　that　clung　to　my　skin。　I　shook　
my　head；　and　a　cascade　of　white　drifted　out　of　my　hair。　

I　pinched　one　soft　white　bit　between　my　fingers。　It　was　a　piece　of　down。　

〃Why　am　I　covered　in　feathers？〃　I　asked；　confused。　

He　exhaled　impatiently。　〃I　bit　a　pillow。　Or　two。　That's　not　what　I'm　talking　about。〃　

〃You。。。　bit　a　pillow？　Why？〃　

〃Look；　Bella！〃　he　almost　growled。　He　took　my　hand—very　gingerly—and　stretched　my　arm　out。　〃Look　
at　that〃　

This　time；　I　saw　what　he　meant。　

Under　the　dusting　of　feathers；　large　purplish　bruises　were　beginning　to　blossom　across　the　pale　skin　of　
my　arm。　My　eyes　followed　the　trail　they　made　up　to　my　shoulder；　and　then　down　across　my　ribs。　I　pulled　
my　hand　free　to　poke　at　a　discoloration　on　my　left　forearm；　watching　it　fade　where　I　touched　and　then　
reappear。　It　throbbed　a　little。　

So　lightly　that　he　was　barely　touching　me；　Edward　placed　his　hand　against　the　bruises　on　my　arm；　one　at　
a　time；　matching　his　long　fingers　to　the　patterns。　

〃Oh；〃　I　said。　

I　tried　to　remember　this—to　remember　pain—but　I　couldn't。　I　couldn't　recall　a　moment　when　his　hold　
had　been　too　tight；　his　hands　too　hard　against　me。　I　only　remembered　wanting　him　to　hold　me　tighter；　and　
being　pleased　when　he　did。。。。　

〃I'm。。。　so　sorry；　Bella；〃　he　whispered　while　I　stared　at　the　bruises。　〃I　knew　better　than　this。　I　should　not　
have—〃　He　made　a　low；　revolted　sound　in　the　back　of　his　throat。　〃I　am　more　sorry　than　I　can　tell　you。〃　

He　threw　his　arm　over　his　face　and　became　perfectly　still。　

I　sat　for　one　long　moment　in　total　astonishment；　trying　to　e　to　terms—now　that　I　understood　it—with　
his　misery。　It　was　so　contrary　to　the　way　that　I　felt　that　it　was　difficult　to　process。　




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Theshock　wore　off　slowly；　leaving　nothing　in　its　absence。　Emptiness。　My　mind　was　blank。　I　couldn't　
think　of　what　to　say。　How　could　I　explain　it　to　him　in　the　right　way？　How　could　I　make　him　as　happy　as　I　
was—or　as　I　had　been；　a　moment　ago？　

I　touched　his　arm；　and　he　didn't　respond。　I　wrapped　my　fingers　around　his　wrist　and　tried　to　pry　his　arm　
off　his　face；　but　I　could　have　been　yanking　on　a　sculpture　for　all　the　good　it　did　me。　

〃Edward。〃　

He　didn't　move。　

〃Edward？〃　

Nothing。　So；　this　would　be　a　monologue；　then。　

〃I'mnot　sorry；　Edward。　I'm。。。　I　can't　even　tell　you。　I'm　so　happy。　That　doesn't　cover　it。　Don't　be　angry。　
Don't。　I'm　really　f—〃　

〃Do　not　say　the　word　fine。〃　His　voice　was　ice　cold。　〃If　you　value　my　sanity；　do　not　say　that　you　are　fine。〃　

〃But　I　am：　I　whispered。　

〃Bella；〃　he　almost　moaned。　〃Don't。〃　

〃No。　You　don't；　Edward。〃　

He　moved　his　arm；　his　gold　eyes　watched　me　warily。　

〃Don't　ruin　this；〃　I　told　him。　〃I。　Am。　Happy。〃　

〃I've　already　ruined　this；〃　he　whispered。　

〃Cut　it　out；〃　I　snapped。　

I　heard　his　teeth　grind　together。　

〃Ugh！〃　I　groaned。　〃Why　can't　you　just　read　my　mind　already？　It's　so　inconvenient　to　be　a　mental　mute！〃　

His　eyes　widened　a　little　bit；　distracted　in　spite　of　himself。　

〃That's　a　new　one。　You　love　that　I　can't　read　your　mind。〃　

〃Not　today。〃　

He　stared　at　me。　〃Why？〃　

I　threw　my　hands　up　in　frustration；　feeling　an　ache　in　my　shoulder　that　I　ignored。　My　palms　fell　back　
against　his　chest　with　a　sharp　smack。　〃Because　all　this　angst　would　be　pletely　unnecessary　if　you　
could　see　how　I　feel　right　now！　Or　five　minutes　ago；　anyway。　I　was　perfectly　happy。　Totally　and　
pletely　blissed　out。　Now—well；　I'm　sort　of　pissed；　actually。〃　




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〃You　should　be　angry　at　me。〃　

〃Well；　I　am。　Does　that　make　you　feel　better？〃　

He　sighed。　〃No。　I　don't　think　anything　could　make　me　feel　better　now。〃　

〃T？af；〃　I　snapped。　〃That　right　there　is　why　I'm　angry。　You　are　killing　my　buzz；　Edward。〃　

He　rolled　his　eyes　and　shook　his　head。　

I　took　a　deep　breath。　I　was　feeling　more　of　the　soreness　now；　but　it　wasn't　that　bad。　Sort　of　like　the　day　
after　lifting　weights。　I'd　done　that　with　Renee　during　one　of　her　fitness　obsessions。　Sixtyfive　lunges　with　
ten　pounds　in　each　hand。　I　couldn't　walk　the　next　day。　This　was　not　as　painful　as　that　had　been　by　half。　

I　swallowed　my　irritation　and　tried　to　make　my　voice　soothing。　〃We　knew　this　was　going　to　be　tricky。　I　
thought　that　was　assumed。　And　then—well；　it　was　a　lot　easier　than　I　thought　it　would　be。　And　this　is　
really　nothing。〃　I　brushed　my　fingers　along　my　arm。　〃I　think　for　a　first　time；　not　knowing　what　to　expect；　
we　did　amazing。　With　a　little　practice—〃　

His　expression　was　suddenly　so　livid　that　I　broke　off　midsentence。　

〃Assumed？　Did　you　expect　this；　Bella？　Were　you　anticipating　that　I　would　hurt　you？　Were　you　thinking　
it　would　be　worse？　Do　you　consider　the　experiment　a　success　because　you　can　walk　away　from　it？　No　
broken　bones—that　

equals　a　victory？〃　

I　waited；　letting　him　get　it　all　out。　Then　I　waited　some　more　while　his　breathing　went　back　to　normal。　
When　his　eyes　were　calm；　I　answered；　speaking　with　slow　precision。　

〃I　didn't　know　what　to　expect—but　I　definitely　did　not　expect　how。。。　how。。。　just　wonderful　and　perfect　it　
was。〃　My　voice　dropped　to　a　whisper；　my　eyes　slipped　from　his　face　down　to　my　hands。　〃I　mean；　I　don't　
know　how　it　was　for　you；　but　it　was　like　that　for　me。〃　

A　cool　finger　pulled　my　chin　back　up。　

〃Is　that　what　you're　worried　about？〃　he　said　through　his　teeth。　〃That　I　didn't　enjoy　myself？〃　

My　eyes　stayed　down。　〃I　know　it's　not　the　same。　You're　not　human。　I　just　was　trying　to　explain　that；　for　
a　human；　well；　I　can't　imagine　that　life　gets　any　better　than　that。〃　

He　was　quiet　for　so　long　that；　finally；　I　had　to　look　up。　His　face　was　softer　now；　thoughtful。　

〃It　seems　that　I　have　more　to　apologi