4 breaking dawn破晓-第16部分

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brushed　my　teeth　meticulously；　twice。　Then　I　washed　my　face　and　splashed　water　on　the　back　of　my　
neck；　which　was　feeling　feverish。　That　felt　so　good　that　I　washed　my　arms　as　well；　and　finally　I　decided　
to　just　give　up　and　take　the　shower。　I　knew　it　was　ridiculous　to　shower　before　swimming；　but　I　needed　to　
calm　down；　and　hot　water　was　one　reliable　way　to　do　that。　

Also；　shaving　my　legs　again　seemed　like　a　pretty　good　idea。　

When　I　was　done；　I　grabbed　a　huge　white　towel　off　the　counter　and　wrapped　it　under　my　arms。　

Then　I　was　faced　with　a　dilemma　I　hadn't　considered。　What　was　I　supposed　to　put　on？　Not　a　swimsuit；　
obviously。　But　it　seemed　silly　to　put　my　clothes　back　on；　too。　I　didn't　even　want　to　think　about　the　things　
Alice　had　packed　for　me。　



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My　breathing　started　to　accelerate　again　and　my　hands　trembled—so　much　for　the　calming　effects　of　the　
shower。　I　started　to　feel　a　little　dizzy；　apparently　a　fullscale　panic　attack　on　the　way。　I　sat　down　on　the　
cool　tile　floor　in　my　big　towel　and　put　my　head　between　my　knees。　I　prayed　he　wouldn't　decide　to　e　
look　for　me　before　I　could　pull　myself　together。　I　could　imagine　what　he　would　think　if　he　saw　me　going　
to　pieces　this　way。　It　wouldn't　be　hard　for　him　to　convince　himself　that　we　were　making　a　mistake。　

And　I　wasn't　freaking　out　because　I　thought　we　were　making　a　mistake。　Not　atall。　I　was　freaking　out　
because　I　had　no　idea　how　to　do　this；　and　I　was　afraid　to　walk　out　of　this　room　and　face　the　unknown。　
Especially　in　French　lingerie。　I　knew　I　wasn't　ready　for　that　yet　

This　felt　exactly　like　having　to　walk　out　in　front　of　a　theater　full　of　thousands　with　no　idea　what　my　lines　
were。　

How　did　people　do　this—swallowall　their　fears　and　trust　someone　else　so　implicitly　with　every　
imperfection　and　fear　they　had—with　less　than　the　absolute　mitment　Edward　had　given　me？　if　it　
weren't　Edward　out　there；　if　I　didn't　know　in　every　cell　of　my　body　that　he　loved　me　as　much　as　I　loved　
him—unconditionally　and　irrevocably　and；　to　be　honest；　irrationally—I'd　never　be　able　to　get　up　off　this　
floor。　

But　it　was　Edward　out　there；　so　I　whispered　the　words　〃Don't　be　a　coward〃　under　my　breath　and　
scrambled　to　my　feet。　I　hitched　the　towel　tighter　under　my　arms　and　marched　determinedly　from　the　
bathroom。　Past　the　suitcase　full　of　lace　and　the　big　bed　without　looking　at　either。　Out　the　open　glass　door　
onto　the　powderfine　sand。　

Everything　was　blackandwhite；　leached　colorless　by　the　moon。　I　walked　slowly　across　the　warm　
powder；　pausing　beside　the　curved　tree　where　he　had　left　his　clothes。　I　laid　my　hand　against　the　rough　
bark　and　checked　my　breathing　to　make　sure　it　was　even。　Or　even　enough。　

I　looked　across　the　low　ripples；　black　in　the　darkness；　searching　for　him。　

He　wasn't　hard　to　find。　He　stood；　his　back　to　me；　waist　deep　in　the　midnight　water；　staring　up　at　the　oval　
moon。　The　pallid　light　of　the　moon　turned　his　skin　a　perfect　white；　like　the　sand；　like　the　moon　itself；　and　
made　his　wet　hair　black　as　the　ocean。　He　was　motionless；　his　hands　resting　palms　down　against　the　
water；　the　low　waves　broke　around　him　as　if　he　were　a　stone。　I　stared　at　the　smooth　lines　of　his　back；　his　
shoulders；　his　arms；　his　neck；　theflawless　shape　of　him。。。。　

The　fire　was　no　longer　a　flash　burn　across　my　skin—it　was　slow　and　deep　now；　it　smoldered　away　all　
my　awkwardness；　my　shy　uncertainty。　I　slipped　the　towel　off　without　hesitation；　leaving　it　on　the　tree　with　
his　clothes；　and　walked　out　into　the　white　light；　it　made　me　pale　as　the　snowy　sand；　too。　

I　couldn't　hear　the　sound　of　my　footsteps　as　I　walked　to　the　water's　edge；　but　I　guessed　that　he　could。　
Edward　did　not　turn。　I　let　the　gentle　swells　break　over　my　toes；　and　found　that　he'd　been　right　about　the　
temperature—it　was　very　warm；　like　bath　water。　I　stepped　in；　walking　carefully　across　the　invisible　ocean　
floor；　but　my　care　was　unnecessary；　the　sand　continued　perfectly　smooth；　sloping　gently　toward　Edward。　
I　waded　through　the　weightless　

current　till　I　was　at　his　side；　and　then　I　placed　my　hand　lightly　over　his　cool　hand　lying　on　the　water。　

〃Beautiful；〃　I　said；　looking　up　at　the　moon；　too。　




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〃It's　all　right；〃　he　answered；　unimpressed。　He　turned　slowly　to　face　me；　little　waves　rolled　away　from　his　
movement　and　broke　against　my　skin。　His　eyes　looked　silver　in　his　icecolored　face。　He　twisted　his　hand　
up　so　that　he　could　twine　our　fingers　beneath　the　surface　of　the　water。　It　was　warm　enough　that　his　cool　
skin　did　not　raise　goose　bumps　on　mine。　

〃But　I　wouldn't　use　the　word　beautiful〃　he　continued。　〃Not　with　you　standing　here　in　parison。〃　

I　halfsmiled；　then　raised　my　free　hand—it　didn't　tremble　now—and　placed　it　over　his　heart。　White　on　
white；　we　matched；　for　once。　He　shuddered　the　tiniest　bit　at　my　warm　touch。　His　breath　came　rougher　
now。　

〃I　promised　we　would　try〃　he　whispered；　suddenly　tense。　〃If。。。　if　I　do　something　wrong；　if　I　hurt　you；　
you　must　tell　me　at　once。〃　

I　nodded　solemnly；　keeping　my　eyes　on　his。　I　took　another　step　through　the　waves　and　leaned　my　head　
against　his　chest。　

〃Don't　be　afraid；〃　I　murmured。　〃We　belong　together。〃　

I　was　abruptly　overwhelmed　by　the　truth　of　my　own　words。　This　moment　was　so　perfect；　so　right；　there　
was　no　way　to　doubt　it。　

His　arms　wrapped　around　me；　holding　me　against　him；　summer　and　winter。　It　felt　like　every　nerve　ending　
in　my　body　was　a　live　wire。　

〃Forever；〃　he　agreed；　and　then　pulled　us　gently　into　deeper　water。　

The　sun；　hot　on　the　bare　skin　of　my　back；　woke　me　in　the　morning。　Late　morning；　maybe　afternoon；　I　
wasn't　sure。　Everything　besides　the　time　was　clear；　though；　I　knew　exactly　where　I　was—the　bright　room　
with　the　big　white　bed；　brilliant　sunlight　streaming　through　the　open　doors。　The　clouds　of　ting　would　
soften　the　shine。　

I　didn't　open　my　eyes。　I　was　too　happy　to　change　anything；　no　matter　how　small。　The　only　sounds　were　
the　waves　outside；　our　breathing；　my　heartbeat。。。　

I　was　fortable；　even　with　the　baking　sun。　His　cool　skin　was　the　perfect　antidote　to　the　heat。　Lying　
across　his　wintry　chest；　his　arms　wound　around　me；　felt　very　easy　and　natural。　I　wondered　idly　what　I'd　
been　so　panicky　about　last　night。　My　fears　all　seemed　silly　now。　

His　fingers　softly　trailed　down　the　contours　of　my　spine；　and　I　knew　that　he　knew　I　was　awake。　I　kept　
my　eyes　shut　and　tightened　my　arms　around　his　neck；　holding　myself　closer　to　him。　

He　didn't　speak；　his　fingers　moved　up　and　down　my　back；　barely　touching　it　as　he　lightly　traced　patterns　
on　my　skin。　

I　would　have　been　happy　to　lie　here　forever；　to　never　disturb　this　moment；　but　my　body　had　other　ideas。　
I　laughed　at　my　impatient　stomach。　It　seemed　sort　of　prosaic　to　be　hungry　after　all　that　had　passed　last　
night。　Like　

being　brought　back　down　to　earth　from　some　great　height。　




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〃What's　funny？〃　he　murmured；　still　stroking　my　back。　The　sound　of　his　voice；　serious　and　husky；　brought　
with　it　a　deluge　of　memories　from　the　night；　and　I　felt　a　blush　color　my　face　and　neck。　

To　answer　his　question；　my　stomach　growled。　I　laughed　again。　〃You　just　can't　escape　being　human　for　
very　long。〃　

I　waited；　but　he　did　not　laugh　with　me。　Slowly；　sinking　through　the　many　layers　of　bliss　that　clouded　my　
head；　came　the　realization　of　a　different　atmosphere　outside　my　own　glowing　sphere　of　happiness。　

I　opened　my　eyes；　the　first　thing　I　saw　was　the　pale；　almost　silvery　skin　of　his　throat；　the　arc　of　his　chin　
above　my　face。　His　jaw　was　taut。　I　propped　myself　up　on　my　elbow　so　I　could　see　his　face。　

He　was　staring　at　the　frothy　canopy　above　us；　and　he　didn't　look　at　me　as　I　studied　his　grave　features。　
His　expression　was　a　shock—it　sent　a　physical　jolt　through　my　body。　

〃Edward；〃　I　said；　a　strange　little　catch　in　my　throat；　〃what　is　it？　What's　wrong？〃　

〃You　have　to　ask？〃　His　voice　was　hard；　cynical。　

My　first　instinct